Baseball Commissioner Rob Manfred is in full retreat. After previously admitting that the notion of a Golden At-Bat rule generated “buzz” among some owners, he reacted to widespread ridicule by insisting that nobody should worry.

“If you don’t like the idea, I wouldn’t be that concerned about it right now,” Manfred said, while waving a white flag with one hand and slapping on a fake mustache with the other.

I think Manfred is making a mistake. The Golden At-Bat rule is not only brilliant, it doesn’t go far enough to alter the fundamental rules of baseball.

In case you missed it, Manfred leaked the idea of the Golden At-Bat rule to gauge public reaction. The rule would allow every team to insert its best hitter once a game, anywhere in the lineup.

My modest proposal: Don’t stop there.

Here are other similarly common-sense rule changes that would bail out a struggling sport that can afford to pay its best players no more than $750 million:

Once a game, any infielder can lift a baserunner off the bag and tag him out, as long as he yells “Kent Hrbek!”
To speed the game, relief pitchers will be carried to the mound via drone.
Pitchers removed from the game after performing well will still be allowed to walk to the dugout and acknowledge the fans. Pitchers who fail will be dropped through a trap door.
The abolishment of the defensive shift has been wildly successful — you can hear people talking about it all over town. Why stop there? If you want to increase offense, chain each defender to their position. But don’t go too far. No moats.
Then again, and stay with me here: Moats?
In the belief that no good idea can go too far, how about Platinum, Titanium and Plutonium At-Bats? To maintain the level playing field for which baseball is known, the Yankees, Mets and Dodgers can buy extra at-bats each inning. The Twins, A’s and Rays, who can’t afford the Platinum package, will remain at the Silver level, and be allowed one extra bunt per game.
And how about this for generating excitement: Use a flat bat, ban gloves and play games that last three weeks. Serve tea. Run the scores into the hundreds. This is the kind of original idea that could save baseball, and I’m sure no one in the world has tried it.
Spice up the broadcasts. Run the video of Bert Blyleven cussing in the Yankee Stadium press box at least once a game. Or have Bert call the cuss in. He’d be more than willing.
Go all in on competing with football. Get violent. Manfred should use his genius marketing skills in this way as he did with the Golden At-Bat. Make the infield look like a gladiator pit. Lions, bears, swords and sandals would make the attempted steal a much more interesting play.
Two words: Moving bases. Make ‘em like Roombas. If you want to steal a base, you have to find it first.

That’s my top 10 of on-field ideas, but there is another creative notion that could alter the very landscape of the game.

Get a few players to buy the Twins.

The Twins are probably worth about $1.2 billion. Two MLB players — Shohei Ohtani and Juan Soto — have contracts that total $1.45 billion.

Ohtani, Soto, Carlos Correa and superagent Scott Boras should buy the Twins.

Boras thinks he’s smarter than all of the owners, just because he outsmarts them every winter? Let him prove it. (Again.) Let him, and his highest-paid athletes, purchase and run a big-league franchise.

I guarantee they would not win fewer World Series than the Twins have since 1991.

And why would Boras not want to buy the Twins, other than the fact that he would have one fewer owner he could outnegotiate?

Beautiful ballpark, unpopular outgoing owners, a chance to be Midwestern heroes by returning the Fall Classic to the Winter Wonderland.

And if it turns out we don’t like Boras as an owner? There’s a trap door for that.

about the writer

Jim Souhan

Columnist

Jim Souhan is a sports columnist for the Minnesota Star Tribune. He has worked at the paper since 1990, previously covering the Twins and Vikings.

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