National Suicide Prevention Month: Reflecting on a quarter-century after a family tragedy

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September is National Suicide Prevention Month, and it has special meaning to me. It was on the day before my 50th birthday — Feb. 26, 1997 — that I discovered my beloved 20-year-old-son Judson's lifeless body as a result of a self-inflicted gunshot blast.

In years since that dreadful time, I have spoken and written about his young life. In his earliest years, Judson Matthew had grown into a sensitive, polite person; his friends particularly appreciated his quiet charm that so often inspired, encouraged and humored them. By junior high, we began to see in him what we now know as clinical depression, though it was not formally diagnosed. Judd did have a counseling psychologist, but he rejected deep therapy. The young teen, however, continued to struggle to meet deadlines and suffered from sleep irregularities.

But Judd eventually rebounded and, after losing a year, he graduated from Hopkins High School in the top 10% of his class. He was accepted at Purdue University. Abruptly, however, after six months he dropped out of college in Indiana to return to Minnesota, where he was admitted to the University of Minnesota. As a newly minted Gopher, he was active in the Minnesota cold weather, including the February weekend where he joyously attended a Spike Lee lecture and a dance. He, however, canceled on our family plan to attend a play followed by our annual dinner at Murray's.

Sadly, on the following Wednesday evening, I found my son in the early evening some hours after his death, slumped over in a chair.

More than 700 family and friends attended Judd's funeral at the local Presbyterian Church. The high school choir of which he had been a member sang a Mozart number. Three of his best friends — Paul, Sam and Libbie — provided powerful, reflective comments.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention annually tracks the realities of suicide — the 10th-leading cause of death for all ages (nearly 46,000 per year). The CDC studied suicide attitudes and released findings from 2020, estimating that 12.2 million Americans seriously thought about it, 3.2 million planned their own death and 1.2 million attempted suicide. It is the second-leading cause of death for people ages 10 to 14 and 25 to 34. There is one suicide every 11 minutes, or 130 Americans dying every day. In contrast, 25,000 homicides per year ranks far lower as a cause of death in our nation.

Men both attempt and succeed at suicide more often than women. The highest suicide rates are among whites, American Indians and Alaska Natives. Globally, about 1 in 4 suicide attempts results in death; that rate is far lower in the U.S., about 1 in 25 attempts.

Depression, a brain disease, is most often a part of the human condition by those who take their own lives. Some 1 in 4 Americans ages 18 and above experience depression every year; about half get treatment. Up to 90% of those Americans who get treatment are successful with a combination of drugs and therapy.

Of concern are active and retired veterans. The Veterans Affairs Office of Mental Health and Suicide Prevention tracks suicides of our men and women in the armed services. Though preventive measures have been undertaken, there is an average of 20 suicides a day, in one VA analysis.

Nearly 800 Minnesotans die by suicide annually, averaging 14 people per 100,000 residents, on a par with the national numbers.

Suicides are significantly higher outside the Twin Cities, where it's often more difficult for people to access mental health services.

Suicide is one of those issues that most people do not think about until they are tragically thrust into doing so, as I was. I have learned over the years that experiencing "grief bursts" is common among survivors. After a suicide, most of us begin a search for some kind of full understanding of the death of our loved one, even though we know these issues may be impossible to determine.

The Minnesota-based Suicide Awareness/Voices of Education (SAVE) organization believes that suicide is preventable "in the vast majority of cases." It is a treatable brain disease, and "newly developed treatments work." Help is available to anyone 24/7 on the "988" Suicide and Crises Lifeline.

Each of us must thoughtfully consider what we can do to help those who most need it to climb from the valley of despair into the sunshine of healthy lives lived purposefully.