If the first round of the NFL draft goes EXACTLY as predicted below — and we all know that mock drafts never, ever go awry, eh? — there will be 21 defenders, seven pass rushers, five Alabama players, three quarterbacks and a guard named Forrest selected while Vikings fans wait and wait and, well, zzzzz. So, without further guessing analysis, let's get to it …
NFL Mock Draft 2017: Lions land elite talent, Packers choose need over style
1. Browns
Myles Garrett, DE, Texas A&M
There's no QB worth the top pick this year. In other words, the Browns are even bad at being bad.
2. 49ers
Solomon Thomas, DE, Stanford
San Francisco also needs a QB, but pass rusher is their top defensive priority. They tap the local kid.
3. Bears
Jamal Adams, S, LSU
Chicago sidesteps Jonathan Allen and takes a safety in the first round for the first time since 1990 (Mark Carrier).
4. Jaguars
Jonathan Allen, DT, Alabama
Not Jacksonville's top need, but Jags add best player on the board.
5. Titans
(from Rams)
Corey Davis, WR, Western Michigan
If not the most productive receiver, Tennessee could trade down or take top cornerback.
6. Jets
Deshaun Watson, QB, Clemson
Like 2011 (sorry for the Christian Ponder reminder), the run on QBs will start sooner than you think.
7. Chargers
Malik Hooker, S, Ohio State
Yes, that's two safeties in the top seven picks. L.A. needs O-linemen, so it might trade down here.
8. Panthers
Leonard Fournette, RB, LSU
Perfect need matches up with top player available. And hits on Cam Newton are immediately reduced.
9. Bengals
Derek Barnett, DE-OLB, Tennessee
Cincinnati needs offensive linemen, but a pass rusher to aid Carlos Dunlap will be a good addition.
10. Bills
Marshon Lattimore, CB, Ohio State
Buffalo also needs a receiver but realizes the top corner helps when one shares a division with a man named Brady.
11. Saints
Taco Charlton, DE, Michigan
A fourth pass rusher flies off the board by the 11th pick. A must-have position for New Orleans.
12. Browns
(from Eagles)
Mitchell Trubisky, QB, North Carolina
When it comes to QBs, Cleveland strikes out more than Byron Buxton. Might as well take a swing on the Northeast Ohio kid.
13. Cardinals
Marlon Humphrey, CB, Alabama
Arizona needs someone who can handle the heat of playing on the other side of Patrick Peterson.
14. Eagles
(from Vikings)
Christian McCaffrey, RB, Stanford
Philadelphia needs a corner and was targeting Sidney Jones before his pro day injury. McCaffrey fits Philly's offense.
15. Colts
Takkarist McKinley, DE-OLB, UCLA
There goes a fifth pass rusher to another team in need of knocking the stuffing out of the other quarterback.
16. Ravens
Mike Williams, WR, Clemson
Baltimore also needs a pass rusher, but the value for Williams at No. 16 is too high to pass up.
17. Redskins
Malik MCDowell, DT, Michigan State
Unusual size and quickness for a DT will fortify Washington's interior line with a run-stopper who can rush, too.
18. Titans
O.J. Howard, TE, Alabama
The top tight end gives Tennessee another mismatch — alongside Delanie Walker — in its two-tight end base offense.
19. Buccaneers
Jabrill Peppers, S, Michigan
Tampa Bay could go with Dalvin Cook or another running back in light of Doug Martin's uncertainty. But safety is a big need.
20. Broncos
Ryan Ramczyk, OT, Wisconsin
It's hard to picture the first tackle going this late. With the offensive tackle pool so shallow, needy teams might trade up.
21. Lions
Reuben Foster, LB, Alabama
Could be a top-10 pick. If he slides this far, the Lions fill a need with a potentially elite player.
22. Dolphins
Haason Reddick, ILB, Temple
Miami also needs O-line help, but stabilizing its run defense is a must.
23. Giants
Caleb Brantley, DT, Florida
A big, versatile inside run stopper with pass-rushing skills. Not a bad need to fill at No. 23.
24. Raiders
Jarrad Davis, LB, Florida
Another Gator off the board as the Raiders look to add muscle to their linebacker group. Running back also is a possibility.
25. Texans
Patrick Mahomes, QB, Texas Tech
If you threw a bazillion dollars at Brock Osweiler, you might as well take a leap of faith on a QB in the first round.
26. Seahawks
Gareon Conley, CB, Ohio State
The Legion of Boom needs new blood. O-line also a possibility.
27. Chiefs
Dalvin Cook, RB, Florida State
Kansas City will be quite pleased if the draft unfolds this way. Chiefs also could surprise with a QB pick.
28. Cowboys
Charles Harris, OLB, Missouri
Jerry wants a pass rusher. Many will be gone by now. But Harris fits the need.
29. Packers
Adoree Jackson, CB, USC
Forget the running back need for now. Did you see how thin Green Bay was at corner last year?
30. Steelers
Tim Williams, OLB, Alabama
Pittsburgh might go QB, too, but the Steelers' immediate need is at outside 'backer.
31. Falcons
Forrest Lamp, G, Western Kentucky
Ran a 5-flat 40. Means nothing, but somewhere an agent was yelling, "Run, Forrest, Run!"
32. Saints
(from Patriots)
Tre'Davious White, CB, LSU
The Vikings could sneak into the bottom of the first round, but keeping their eight picks seems logical considering right guard is their top need.
Mike Conley was in Minneapolis, where he sounded the Gjallarhorn at the Vikings game, on Sunday during the robbery.