NFL Week 9: Packers move to the top; Lions' nightmares continue

BEST TEAM

Packers (7-1)
They're 16^th in scoring, 22^nd in passing and pretty doggone average in every offensive statistic … except, of course, scoring more points than the other team the past seven weeks.

MOST DISAPPOINTING TEAM

Chiefs (4-4)
Turnovers and horrendous defense: Even Patrick Mahomes.

MOST SURPRISING TEAM

Cardinals (7-1)
The key, of course, is to not finish 3-6 in their last nine games. Like they did after last year's surprising 5-2 start.

DARK HORSE TEAM

Patriots (4-4)
New England, currently eighth in the AFC, is not a seventh seed anyone will want to face come January.

WORST TEAM

Lions (0-8)
Which recurring nightmare has gotten more annoying the past 40-some years? Michael Myers or the Lions on Thanksgiving?

RANKING THE VIKINGS?

No. 19 out of 32. This NFL guess-timator would generously call them the eight-best team in the NFC and the 12^th-best if they were in the AFC. Last week: 16.

UGLY STAT OF THE WEEK

4 of 9 for 20 yards: Kirk Cousins' passing stats as the Vikings went 1-for-13 on third down in Sunday night's home humiliation.

UGLIER STAT OF THE WEEK

2.8: Average distance Cousins' nine passes traveled through the air.

UGLIEST STAT OF THE WEEK

6.2: Average distance short of the sticks those nine passes traveled.

TRENDING UP

Aaron Rodgers' legendary ball security. After throwing two interceptions in his first 22 passes this season, Rodgers is back to his old selfish self with one pick in 236 throws.

TRENDING DOWN (OR STAYING DOWN)

NFL officiating. The officials robbed the Bengals of a chance to come back against the Jets. Cornerback Mike Hilton was in the process of making a textbook, new-school tackle for a 1-yard loss. He went extra low but running back Ty Johnson lowered his helmet at the last split-second. Instead of fourth-and 12 from the Jets' 20, Hilton was flagged for a personal foul for a helmet-to-helmet hit and New York ran out the clock. Awful.

PLAYERS OF THE WEEK

Mike White and Cooper Rush. Flip a coin. Former backups together on the 2018 Cowboys, they combined for 730 yards and five touchdowns passing while winning their NFL debut starts against Cincinnati and the Vikings, respectively.

WEEK 9 PREVIEW

GAME OF THE WEEK

Titans (6-2) at Rams (7-1). Adrian Peterson joins the AFC's latest greatest team for a Sunday night game against a Rams team that has feasted on four consecutive teams with losing records.

STAT TO WATCH

0-3 and 4-0. The 49ers, 0-3 at home, play host to the Cardinals, who are 4-0 on the road. Arizona also is 5-1 in its last six games at San Francisco.

LOCK OF THE WEEK

Bills (-14) 38, Jaguars 23. The Lions are off and the Texans play Miami in a battle of 1-win teams. So that leaves Urban Meyer's misfits as this week's most miserable NFL team. Season Lock record: 6-1 straight up, 4-3 vs the spread. Last week: Rams (minus-14 1/2) at Texans.

EARLY UPSET SPECIAL

Titans (+7.5) 28, Rams 24. None of the underdogs look great as picks this week. Tennessee has been great as an underdog the past month. Here's thinking the Titans rally to win without Derrick Henry. Season Early Upset Special record: 6-1. Last week: N/A. By game time, last week's Early Upset Special, the Vikings, were favored to beat the Cowboys. The line swung 5 points because there was no way the Vikings would ever lose to Cooper Rush. Right?