On top of the world: The S&M of business

Priceless? Maybe. Provocative. Absolutely. But there's no way a conversation with Nina DiSesa, chairwoman of McCann Erickson/New York, won't make you laugh out loud and gasp on occasion. This is a woman who says S&M ("seduction and manipulation") is the secret to winning over men in the workplace. And we're just warming up.

DiSesa has worked in advertising for more than 30 years. In 1994, she became executive creative director of McCann Erickson/New York, the first woman to hold that title. During her tenure, the agency garnered $2.5 billion in new business, including developing MasterCard's "Priceless" campaign. She became chairwoman in 1998 and, a year later, was named one of the "50 Most Powerful Women in American Business" by Fortune magazine. Her book, "Seducing the Boys Club: Uncensored Tactics From a Woman at the Top," was released in January.

We spoke by phone with DiSesa, who lives with her husband in New York City. We then invited three Twin Cities businesswomen who have worked in the male-dominated trenches for decades to share their thoughts.
Your book made me laugh out loud, but I can't imagine you aren't getting pushback from other successful businesswomen about your unorthodox strategies. What criticisms are you hearing?

My husband said, "Be prepared for women who are going to be angry with you." But most women are looking at the book in the spirit in which it is intended. If I recommended 'charm and persuasion' in the workplace instead of 'seduction and manipulation,' would you be talking to me now? I'm very calculating. I do things I know are going to work.

What do you mean by seduction and manipulation?

It's not sex. It's about invisible persuasion. It's about using our feminine wiles and instincts to get what we want and deserve in a man's world, even though the cards are stacked against us.

Manipulation sounds negative. Why use it?

You talk about the importance of women embracing certain male tendencies, such as ... ?

... decisiveness, confidence and a sense of humor. If you have 75 percent of the information, make the decision. This helps you exude confidence. If you don't have confidence, fake it. Men are faking it, too.

And bragging, apparently. You say men brag even when they don't deserve to, and women don't brag nearly enough.

We deflect glory and praise. It's in our nature. We always want to make sure that no one sees us as grabbing the spotlight. Forget altruism. You have to be seen and your efforts have to be recognized to get ahead in business.

But, flirting with men at work? This seems counterintuitive at best, dangerous at worst.

Aside from male traits worthy of adopting, you emphasize that women have inherent traits worthy of tapping. What are they?

Compassion, collaboration, empathy, intuition and listening. Most men don't have these skills and don't want to learn them. They give us a distinct advantage if we exploit them.

Women bosses still get the rap that they are toughest on other women. True or false?

I never had a woman boss, but I hear it all the time. Women thank me for not being a bitch. I think they've often had very bad experiences working for women. Men are much more supportive of each other. Maybe women feel there's only room for one woman at the top and they feel compelled to protect their turf. I just don't understand why that is true. I'm proud of women when they excel. I always bolster their ego when they've done something really well.

Are you tired of hearing about "balanced lives"? Is that just a pipe dream for pretty much everybody?

I don't think we've come such a long way. Fewer than 2 percent of Fortune 1000 CEOs are women. You think if you're smart and driven, you'll be rewarded for it. But it's not really a level playing field out there. If you want to get ahead, you need to get men to trust, support, promote and be comfortable with you, so they'll let you into their clubs.

And you like being in their clubs, yes?

It's fun. I adore men. I admire the way they think. I marvel at their sense of humor, their courage under fire, and their ability to compartmentalize -- even when that means sometimes shoving me into a little drawer. If you can get in the club, and win their respect, it's fun.