Best-to-worst ranking for walking in malls in the Twin Cities

Forgive me.

I'm one of those jerks who had long considered mall walking synonymous with, say, wearing sweatpants in public, or driving a car so dirty that its "Wash Me" finger graffiti was covered by another layer of grime.

In other words, mall walking was the equivalent of giving up.

I was wrong. Mall walking — no gym membership required! — is an excellent aerobic pursuit. Especially in winter, when the prospect of freezing your face off while power-walking Lake of the Isles becomes the exercise deterrent du jour.

There are plenty of options in the Twin Cities. Proximity is a key factor in the where-to-go decision — why travel for a half-hour to a mall when the closest one is five minutes away? — but there are other considerations.

For starters, there's visual stimulation. Let's face it: Some malls are uglier than others. (We're focusing on suburban malls, leaving the downtown skyway labyrinths to another time.)

A half-vacant mall is no fun, although in this era of social distancing, low-traffic indoor spaces have their attributes. Conversely, a route that's lined with compelling retailers transforms low-impact exercise into window shopping. Multitasking, right?

For some a.m. mall walkers, access to caffeinated beverages is a must. Delicious snacks never hurt. Natural light always wins over artificial illumination.

For this survey, steps were logged via iPhone pedometer, where roughly 2,000 steps equals a mile. The routes followed a stick-to-the-outer-perimeter path and included central courts, corridors and entrance hallways, but excluded anchor stores.

OK, let's lace up our New Balances and get going.

Atmosphere: The gold standard, with an intuitive circulation pattern, countless (welcome) distractions and sunshine, sunshine, sunshine.

Steps: 6,900, on three levels (skipping the semi-claustrophobic fourth floor).

Amenities: Talk about "one-stop," there's even a walk-in clinic on the premises. And there's always something new; witness the refreshing beverages at slick Juicebox.

Selfie magnet: So many, from the LEGO Store to Nickelodeon Universe to the slightly larger-than-life George Clooney photo outside Nespresso.

Caffeination: Plenty, with three Starbucks, six Caribou Coffees as well as Dunkin', Ebar (inside Nordstrom), Capital One Cafe and others. Highlights: the premium Dogwood Coffee beans used at Lululemon's stylish Fuel Space and the 99-cent self-serve cups at Holiday.

Empty storefronts: Thanks to Hugedale's immense scale and hundreds of tenants, encountering a few dozen empties barely registers.

Best: Where to begin? Super-convenient light rail and bus links. Handy rental lockers (and free coat racks, for the trusting) for stashing bulky outerwear. Generous early-ish a.m. hours. Legions of fellow walkers. The ability to log several miles without repeating the route. It even has its own mall-walking club, MOA Mall Stars, that offers camaraderie, data and discounts.

Bummer: While it's tops in pairing visual variety with a maximum number of steps, the megamall's mega-scale can be daunting.

Details: 2131 Lindau Lane, Bloomington, mallofamerica.com. Early entrance begins three hours prior to store hours.

Atmosphere: The state's most illustrious assemblage of Gold Card merchants is juxtaposed against a floor plan that skips soaring atriums, flashy fountains and other upscale retail apparatus in favor of a low-key, shop-lined corridor.

Steps: 1,700, on one level. Get a cardio boost by using stairs to the smaller lower level.

Amenities: The concierge desk is an appropriately luxe touch.

Selfie magnet: What could be more Edina than joining the seemingly ever-present queue to enter Louis Vuitton?

Caffeination: Starbucks and the Good Earth.

Empty storefronts: Two, maybe three, tops, which explains the energizing buzz of honest-to-goodness commerce that permeates the place.

Best: The plutonium-grade window shopping.

Bummer: Despite the retail bling, the less-than-fancy layout can make for less-than-scintillating scenery after a few (short-ish) laps. Sunscreen is sadly not necessary.

Details: 3510 W. 69th St., Edina, galleriaedina.com.

Atmosphere: An expansive central courtyard flanked by four extensions makes for what is perhaps the Twin Cities' most approachable mall-walking footprint.

Steps: 2,950, on two levels.

Amenities: Take a warm-up or cool-down lap through Nordstrom, the Twin Cities' best looking and most browsable department store.

Selfie magnet: A vintage Chevrolet Apache pickup truck, parked near Macy's on the first floor.

Caffeination: Starbucks (inside Macy's), Ebar (inside Nordstrom) and Caribou.

Empty storefronts: Just over a dozen, but with the mall's lively tenant mix, the absences barely register.

Best: The bustling environment runs counter to the shopping mall industry's woes.

Bummer: The gigantic temptations at T-Rex Cookie negate any calorie-burning efforts.

Details: 12401 Wayzata Blvd., Minnetonka, ridgedalecenter.com. Early entrance begins one hour prior to store hours.

Atmosphere: A preponderance of sunlight — and a recent renovation — give this spotless 53-year-old property an impressive up-to-the-minute vibe.

Steps: 2,725, on two levels.

Amenities: Potluck, the chain-averse food hall, is a role model for suburban malls everywhere.

Selfie magnet: The awesome "I put the betcha in you betcha!" neon art installation (by Minneapolis artist Carly Van Veldhuizen) inside Potluck.

Caffeination: Starbucks (inside Macy's), Caribou and Nordic Waffles.

Empty storefronts: Five, reinforcing the pleasing aura of prosperity.

Best: So much mood-enhancing sunlight.

Bummer: Not-so early hours of 11 a.m. Sun.-Thu., 10 a.m. Fri.-Sat.

Details: 1595 Hwy. 36, Roseville, rosedalecenter.com.

Atmosphere: A 20-year old facelift, with cheery Prairie School-inspired touches, has held up nicely.

Steps: 2,950, on two levels.

Amenities: Carry a post-walk latte to the spacious, well-appointed food court.

Selfie magnet: The Ferris Wheel (or the aquarium) inside Scheels.

Caffeination: Starbucks (inside Barnes & Noble and Target), Ginna's Cafe (inside Scheels) and Caribou.

Empty storefronts: Around 15; even with the occasional vacancy, the mall feels active.

Best: The predominantly yellow-and-white color scheme is a day brightener.

Bummer: Von Maur's entertaining pianists aren't situated closer to the store's mall entrance.

Details: 8251 Flying Cloud Drive, Eden Prairie, edenprairiecenter.com.

Atmosphere: Expansions to the original 1956 design have resulted in a meandering floor plan that's either fun for the serendipitous-minded or vexing for the routine-oriented.

Steps: 2,750 on three levels (skipping the basement).

Amenities: For post-exertion rewards, visit Rustica, one of the region's top-performing bakeries. Also, See's Candies.

Selfie magnet: Sculptor Henry Bertoia's three-story "Golden Trees," a major public art gesture from the department store-owning (and Dales-building) Dayton brothers, aka the Medicis of the Midwest.

Caffeination: Starbucks (inside Macy's) and Caribou.

Empty storefronts: Approaching 30. Yikes.

Best: Who needs Vitamin D supplements when there's this much sunlight? Also, the Life Time indoor soccer field provides fun-to-watch diversions.

Bummer: The abundance of dark storefronts is a sad sight for this Minnesota original, the nation's first enclosed suburban shopping mall.

Details: 10 Southdale Center, Edina, simon.com/mall/southdale-center. Early hours begin at 8 a.m. daily.

Atmosphere: A decade-old remake of this utilitarian 1974 property (it could have been called "Fauxdale") perked up some of its original Energy Crisis-era architecture.

Steps: 2,800, on two levels.

Amenities: The food court has a branch of Maya Cuisine, hurrah.

Selfie magnet: The whimsical, old-fashioned carousel.

Caffeination: Starbucks (inside Barnes & Noble) and Caribou.

Empty storefronts: Nearly 30. The pulse is neither racing nor flatlining.

Best: The upper level is sunnier and peppier.

Bummer: Yes, that fake-bake scent means there's a Cinnabon.

Details: 3001 N. White Bear Av., Maplewood, maplewoodmall.com. Early hours begin at 9 a.m. Mon.-Sat. and 10 a.m. Sun., enter through doors 3 and 5.

Atmosphere: The beige-on-tan-on-brown color palette — the visual equivalent of a dial tone — reflects the 1972 opening date of this otherwise tidy Anoka County destination.

Steps: 1,800, on one level.

Amenities: An impressive new food hall is filled with a dozen locally owned vendors.

Selfie magnet: Unclear, as joy-sparking opportunities are in short supply.

Caffeination: 2 Dope Chicks and Flynn's Eats serve coffee; otherwise, zilch. Paging Gloria Jean's!

Empty storefronts: Very few "For Lease" signs, so this is hardly Dead Mall Walking territory.

Best: The no-nonsense circuit clocks in just shy of an easy-to-remember mile.

Bummer: With its abundance of artificial light, this might not be the place for those afflicted with seasonal affective disorder. And the single-level format can get monotonous, fast.

Details: 398 Northtown Drive NE., Blaine, northtown-mall.com. Early hours begin at 9 a.m. Mon.-Sat. and 11 a.m. Sun., enter through door No. 5.

Atmosphere: Kudos to the easy-to-navigate late-1970s design, which is basically two long pavilions linked via a pair of central courtyards.

Steps: 2,865, on three levels.

Amenities: Handy coat-stashing lockers.

Selfie magnet: A colorful mural (upper floor, center court) of downtown Minneapolis by Twin Cities artist Michael Birawer.

Caffeination: Kemps Ice Cream Cafe (in the low-wattage food court) features $1.80 cups of coffee; step outside for Panera Bread.

Empty storefronts: Sixty-plus, the region's highest blank-wall quotient.

Best: Tepid foot-traffic levels = lots of social distancing opportunities.

Bummer: The alarming number of vacancies makes for a Debbie Downer stroll.

Details: 1178 Burnsville Center, Burnsville, burnsvillecenter.com. Early hours begin at 10 a.m. daily.