Q: My ex and I have been separated for six months. Yesterday she refused to drop our kids off at my home because my girlfriend’s car was in the driveway. I think she thinks my girlfriend and I were seeing each other before our breakup, but we were not.

When my ex got home, she texted me that she was taking me back to court to have our court order changed because she refuses to drop the kids off “under the circumstances.” This is ridiculous. Everyone meets someone new after a breakup. I have no idea why my ex is acting in such an irrational manner. What’s good ex-etiquette?

A: What I find surprising is why you have no idea why your ex is acting this way. Let’s employ Good Ex-Etiquette for Parents Rule No. 7: “Use empathy when problem-solving.” This rule asks you to put yourself in your co-parent’s shoes.

Even though you deny that you were having an affair before your breakup, you said your co-parent believes you were. Now, a short time after your breakup, you are in a new relationship. If your ex is like most, she’s probably resentful that you let your interest in someone else blossom into something so strong that she believes it prompted a breakup.

So even though you did not consummate the relationship until after the breakup, your ex doesn’t care. Emotional affairs are still affairs, and the feelings can be just as strong as with physical affairs. As a result, she probably feels betrayed, and seeing your girlfriend’s car in the driveway was a trigger for how rejected she feels. The situation infuriates her, and that’s why she is reacting as she is.

No one is “putting the children first.” (Good Ex-Etiquette for Parents Rule No. 1.) Not you, by launching a new relationship so quickly, and not mom for not looking for what is the easiest way to exchange the kids.

Yes, most people do move on to someone new after a breakup, but if there are kids in the mix, you must take their emotional well-being into consideration. I know nothing about your marriage, but I am suggesting you stand back and look at what your choices are asking your kids to process in such a short amount of time. That’s good ex-etiquette.

Jann Blackstone is the founder of bonusfamilies.com.