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What follows is a refresher on tips to avoid becoming a victim of mass shootings. Don't search for humor in these tips; there is none. All of these characteristics and places are linked to actual mass shootings in the U.S.:
Don't be Black. This is essential. Don't be Asian or Hispanic. Don't be Jewish. Don't be Sikh. Don't be gay or any of the other letters in the acronym "LGBTQ." Don't be of school age. Don't go to supermarkets. Don't go to churches. Don't go to synagogues. Don't go to post offices. Don't go to anyone's workplace, including yours. Don't ride on trains. Don't go to train yards. Don't go to car shows. Don't go to nightclubs. Don't go to fast-food restaurants. Don't go to music festivals. Don't go to spas or massage parlors. Don't go to parking lots. Don't go to movie theaters. Don't go to shopping malls. Don't ride on subways. Don't live in a country that has a very high rate of mass shootings and gun violence.
Tips especially for children, other young people, teachers, coaches, principals:
Don't go to elementary schools. Don't go to middle schools. Don't go to high schools. Don't go to colleges. Don't go out of your home without wearing full tactical gear.
Don't expect the government to protect your right to life.
Never again — until next time.