Rochester author Harriet Hodgson on grief: ‘Death will be the loser. Life will be the winner.’

Harriet Hodgson didn’t expect to become a guide for the grieving at this stage in her life.

The 88-year-old Rochester writer has written about health and wellness for more than four decades, but all that changed in 2007 when her eldest daughter was killed in a car crash. The accident was the start of a wave of tragedy that forced Hodgson to take a different path in her writing.

With more than 45 books published, Hodgson is sharing her wisdom as an “experienced griever” with her latest release, “Grief in Your Words: How Writing Helps You Heal,” which was released March 12. She spoke with the Star Tribune about how she’s taught others how to cope with grief over the years. Her answers have been edited for clarity and length.

Q: How did you become such a prolific author? What made you want to write?

A: I started writing when I was a very young child. I used to make books for my neighborhood friends when I was 8 years old. In college, I was associate editor of my college literary magazine. And when I married and moved out to Minneapolis, I started writing articles for teaching journals. I taught for a dozen years in Edina, then I finally thought, “You know, I’m more interested in writing. I’ve done everything I can with teaching.” So I started writing.

Q: How did you decide to write about grief?

A: My writing in general is health and wellness. I was a family caregiver for 23 years, and I took care of three generations. My mother had vascular dementia, and my husband and I decided she needed to be closer to family. Of course, I became more involved in her life.

So I did that for nine years. And then in 2007, my elder daughter, the mother of my twin grandchildren, died from the injuries she received in a car crash. The twins’ father moved in with them, but a few months later he was killed in a second car crash. So my husband and I became guardians for our 15-year-old grandchildren.

Q: That must have been difficult to take on.

A: When I look back, it’s the year of death. My daughter died, and then the twins’ father died, and my brother died. The death just kept coming. My father-in-law and my daughter died the same weekend. It was very painful. That’s when I basically changed my writing from health and wellness to grief healing.

A week after my daughter died, I sat down at the computer and made a pledge to myself. And I have maintained that pledge ever since. It is, “Death will be the loser. Life will be the winner. I will make it so.” And I have.

Q: You’ve been called an “experienced griever.” How did that come about?

A: I didn’t give myself that title; friends gave me that title. I think they were hoping that each death that you experienced would make the next one easier. But that really isn’t what happens. Each one is painful in its own way. It requires your own adjustment. And that depends on your relationship with the person and how much time you spent with them in life.

Q: What do you think about that title now that it’s been bestowed upon you? That stands out to people.

A: Your experience counts in the sense that you understand what you might want to include in an obituary, for example. You know what you might want for a service. So in that regard, experience does help. But experience is not a band aid for grief. The pain is still there, and you still bleed. You have to deal with that pain. And eventually you learn to live with it. It becomes part of your life.

Q: Your latest book deals with teaching people how to write through their grief as a way to address it. How did you decide to tackle that?

A: It’s a logical follow-up to my previous books. I was caring for my husband as his health was failing. I was in my 23rd year of caregiving, and I was exhausted. And I just didn’t know if I could get up and do it again. So I, for some reason, started doodle art in the morning.

I got very absorbed in it. In some ways, it was almost like a nap. And so I did that for 20 minutes and felt l was better able to take on the day. I thought, “Oh, if this is helping me, it could help others and maybe it’s a book.”

Then my husband died in 2020, and I wrote a book called “Winning: A Story of Grief and Renewal.” It’s kind of part memoir and part self-help; it describes the end of his life and what we went through when COVID was starting. Of course, I got to thinking how have I gotten to this point in life? And I realized that I have literally written my way to healing.

Q: What nuggets of wisdom can you share about dealing with grief?

A: I would say, let yourself be open to laughter and to hope because if you look carefully, they are around you. Don’t be afraid to say no — a lot of people feel that they should take you out to dinner or do something. But you might want to be alone and figure out what is going on. There’s no shame in that. There’s a lot of emphasis these days on living mindfully. I believe that and I tried to savor each day. I can’t change the world, but I can change my tiny corner of it.