Shamed if I do, and sick if I don’t

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Here is what I find intolerable: As a 65-year-old woman who has caught severe respiratory illnesses twice this season while at the same time refusing to wear a mask, many have chastised me by implying I deserved it. “Well, that’s what you get!” they’d say. A biting admonishment indeed!

The most intolerable part is that the tables have turned on us “agers.” It is up to us to protect ourselves now that COVID has subsided, although there are still a multitude of other contagious illnesses out there. Some of them are rather serious. Yes, I am up to date on all of my vaccinations and I will continue to get those shots every year. The harsh reality however, is that we must go beyond wearing a mask to stay safe.

For example, navigating the perils and possibilities of illness requires avoiding crowded areas, washing hands frequently, asking friends and family if anyone in the household has been sick or showing symptoms within the last week. Or we are inclined to turn down invitations to host friends and family through the holidays. Turning down travel during the height of outbreaks is another wise decision. I am also uncomfortable when friends or family members within close physical proximity admit they were ill “just the other day.” Yikes!

I have other questions, like: Who will be preparing the food if I am invited over for a special event such as a Super Bowl party? Yep, I sound a bit paranoid, and maybe I should just stay home.

But not leaving or going anywhere for the day presents a paradox or a Catch-22, alas. As an empty nester I have control over the household regarding contagion, yet isolation is a psychological risk. The four walls will close in on me if I don’t get out into the world. At this stage of my life I am hyper-aware of the threat of loneliness and isolation. The surgeon general warns against social media and the doom and loneliness that can take hold during long winter months. He advocates for more face-to-face time, yet there are risks to doing so. So what should the elderly do?

Throwing caution to the wind has been my modus operandi recently, especially when I am working at my-part time job that requires conversations with numerous customers. I have stubbornly refused to wear a mask at work so customers can understand what is being said to them. I got away with not wearing a mask for a short time, until I came down with two serious respiratory infections within three months. Congestion, along with aches, pains and a high fever were harsh and unrelenting. Over-the-counter medications and hot baths healed my discomfort, yet it took two and a half weeks to recuperate and get back to a healthy me. I have since taken up the habit of wearing the ugly mask at work and while accomplishing errands.

Surprisingly, it is a rare sight to find a customer or one of my coworkers wearing a mask. Eye rolls and sideways glances are common whenever my face is covered wearing a N95. Oh well, this is just par for the course when attempting to keep safety in mind. Every personal encounter comes with risks for sickness and severe illness during this time of year.

I understand now the hoops I have to jump through to stay protected as an “ager” or “elder,” but what a difficult pill to swallow!

Sharon E. Carlson lives in Andover.