The book on book clubs

Rick Nelson and Claude Peck dispense unasked-for advice about clothing, relationships, grooming and more in a weekly dialogue.

CP: What do you get out of those beastly book-club gatherings of yours, anyway? And no, I am not jealous.

RN: I take no offense at your overt hostility. Like Stella Dallas, I was once a book-club outsider looking in, clueless to its mysterious rituals.

CP: Yeah, but clubbers must spend hours reading a book that they may not want to read. I suppose you all just stocked up on paperbacks of "The Kite Runner," or whatever Kelly Ripa has recently recommended.

RN: Me-ow. My club has few rules -- a good thing, as I am not so good with rules -- but one that is strictly enforced involves the Oprah stamp of approval. Kiss of death.

CP: OK, but don't most book-club members invest more time selecting the right wine and a cute outfit for meeting night, and then read a couple reviews of that month's book at Metacritic.com? That's what I'd do.

RN: I haven't faked it -- yet -- although there were a few Thursday nights where I was Evelyn Wood-ing it in the car right up to the last minute. Here's our book-selection drill: The host pulls a half-dozen titles -- paperback only -- and the group makes a joint decision. For me, the greater stress involves producing a winning dessert. Several members of my group are Dorie Greenspan-caliber bakers, and the prospect of hosting gives me a mild case of the flop sweats.

RN: I can only speak for my group, which spends roughly half the time socializing and the other half ripping into that month's selection. I really appreciate my fellow clubbers' insights. They've made me a much better reader, and I've run a ton of books through my Amazon.com account that I never would have selected on my own. "Lost in the City" by Edward P. Jones, and Jonathan Harr's "The Lost Painting," for example. Couldn't put 'em down.

CP: Isn't it mostly about everyone trying to show off how brainy they are? Or running through the lit-crit checklist -- character development, narrative arc, meta vs. tradish -- they used as undergrads?

RN: You're such a skeptic; is this what a Macalester education does to a person? I can only speak from my own experience, and that's a big fat "No." Our club's discussions are funny and lively, even when the book is neither. I have heard book-club horror stories -- one person turns into The Thing That Won't Shut Up, another only serves Chicken in a Biskits and Three Buck Chuck -- but that has not been my experience.

CP: Maybe I am envious, then. Another book-club fantasy parallels that great scene in the movie "Little Children," in which a heady discussion of "Madame Bovary" doubles as dirty talk about extramarital affairs.

RN: I was considering asking my book club to extend an invitation to you, but frankly, I don't think it would fly.