On Friday, Norwood Teague resigned as the University of Minnesota's athletic director after two sexual-harassment charges were filed by two nonstudent university employees. Teague's statement included the phrases, "[I] had entirely too much to drink" and sent "truly inappropriate texts." And "I behaved badly toward nice people. … I'm embarrassed and I apologize. …"
Genuine apologies are about the victims, not the perpetrators. An apology is the atomic energy of empathy. Genuine apologies stop more bad things from happening.
The most powerful action in reputation recovery and rehabilitation is to apologize. If you want or need forgiveness, you'll need to apologize. "Wait a minute," you say, "the lawyers won't ever let me apologize." Well, let's talk about apology — understand it — and then we'll get back to the attorneys.
Management avoids apologizing by using an amazing array of avoidance strategies. There's self-forgiveness: "It's an industry problem; we're not the only ones" or "Let's not blow this out of proportion." There's self-talk: "It's only an isolated incident," "It's never happened before," "Not very many were involved" and "This is not who we are."
In this case, add self-forgiveness to the technique: I was drunk; I sent several inappropriate e-mails; I behaved badly toward nice people; I'm embarrassed and I apologize. Teague could have said with equal non-effect: "It won't ever happen again," "I am not a crook" and "I did not have sex with these people."
What was wrong with Teague's apology? There was no admission that what he did made others suffer and be shamed. He simply never apologized at all. "I was embarrassed and I apologize." He forgave himself first, protected the people around him, and never directly addressed the pain and suffering caused by his actions.
Forgiveness by the victims, which is the purpose of an apology, is a process.
The most constructive structure for apology I've seen is in "The Five Languages of Apology," a book by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas. Here, with some paraphrasing and modification based on my experiences, are the ingredients of the perfect apology.