The stars are aligning on Tuesday. What does it mean?

If life on this complicated rock is getting on your nerves, go outside Tuesday. Look up. In the heavens on June 4, there will be a parade of planets.

As the website sciencealert.com put it: “Mercury, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune and Uranus will appear in a straight line in an alignment known as a planet parade. Only Venus will be absent — even Earth’s waning crescent moon is going to put in an appearance.”

I don’t know why Venus won’t show up. Previous engagement, maybe. We even sent them the Zoom link, but no RSVP. Fine. Be that way.

If you miss it, don’t worry/ The real show comes on Feb. 28, 2025, when seven planets align. Maybe Pluto will be in line as well, but Pluto got canceled a while back, and yes, some of us are still annoyed by that. They just threw it back in the planetoid category, like they’d stripped its title for doping.

You might ask: Can I see it with the naked eye? Yes. You can see part of it with the casually dressed eye, but formalwear eye will not detect anything.

Does it mean anything? No. It is part of the stately gavotte of the bodies above, which have a logic and order that proceeded for millions of years before us clever monkeys figured out what they were doing.

You’re sure? It doesn’t mean the end of the world?

Probably not, but I understand the trepidation. Back in the ’90s there were books that appeared in advance of every minor celestial event, warning of dire events. The planets are lining up! The combined power will draw Atlantis from the deep, cast down mountains, throw the moon from orbit, put pineapple on pizza and so on. The Mayans knew it!

The Mayans couldn’t see Cortez and the Spaniards coming, but they could tell you the world would end in 1992. Sure.

Spoiler alert: Nothing ever happened. But still the books would appear every few years, with more dire warnings. I suppose they can be unnerving if you put faith in the position of the stars, but I’ve never been a Zodiac believer. (I know, typical Leo.)

Me, in the countryside away from the light of the city, beholding the midnight sky: “Gosh, lots of stars up there. An infinite array of celestial fires, burning pinholes in the bedsheet of the night. Some of them might be galaxies, containing countless civilizations who might be like us in so many ways. Maybe on their world ‘Game of Thrones’ ended in a way that satisfied fans. Personally, I never watched it.”

An ancient, beholding the same: “I see three triplets who are dancing with a crab that has four legs and wears a belt with six diamonds.”

Did anyone ever turn to the ancient astronomer and say, “What? I don’t see anything of the sort. You’re just making that up.”

“ ‘Tis true! If you draw a line from this star to this, you have the first twin ...”

“It’s a line! Where are the arms? The legs? The head? The feet? It might as well be a paralyzed snake. But of course, no one would want to be born under the sign of the paralyzed snake. The Crab-Dancing Triplets, though, that’ll get them in the door.”

“Over there, the constellation of the Great Lion of Abssentya, who rules over ...”

“There? Where you’re pointing? There’s nothing there at all.”

(Pause) “He is a very stealthy lion.”

I do get Orion’s Belt, because they’re all lined up nicely. If there’s ever a fourth star in that sequence, it’s because Orion put on a few pounds over the holiday and had to punch another hole.

Not to say there’s no mystery or myth to be found in the heavens. A few years ago at a wedding, I was outside cooling off from a session on the dance floor and noted some lights in the sky. I was certain I knew what they were: Venus and Mars, unusually close. Had to find the couple and tell them.

Eventually found them and explained the sight and the symbolism. The planets of Love and War, Female and Male. What an auspicious thing to see on the night of a wedding! And they were nice about it, but I gathered that I could’ve waited until breakfast instead of banging on the door of the bridal suite at 3 a.m. I see their point now.

Anyway, enjoy the parade. You’d best get out there and look, because there won’t be another six-planet alignment again until ... Jan. 18, 2025. Unless you count the one on Aug. 28, 2024. Even if you miss those, you probably can catch them on streaming.