To be a mental health therapist, is to have the ‘most raw’ window into humanity

Those who enter Ellen Kingren’s office get the choice of a chair or a small sofa.

Like each therapist’s room at Nystrom & Associates’ Apple Valley clinic, Kingren’s reflects her personality and intentions — like the piles of board games, knickknacks from her grandparents lining the windowsill and the art piece, painted by her fiancé, on the wall.

“I try to surround myself with things that make me happy and smiling and remind me of the people who have helped shape me into the person I am today,” she said.

A licensed marriage and family therapist, Kingren works as an outpatient therapist, largely with adolescents, and has been a mental health professional in some capacity since starting her graduate program in 2019.

The Farmington native held myriad jobs before arriving in therapy. She’s been a mail carrier. She’s worked in the insurance industry and done corporate jobs, too. But Kingren feels most at home in her current position.

“It is so hard, and this work is emotionally exhausting, but it is truly the greatest gift I’ve ever been given,” she said.

Kingren’s schedule is packed from open to close with individual, couples and group therapy sessions, with patients ranging from 8 to 80 years old.

The need for therapists is only increasing — a 2022 study by the American Psychological Association found that 60% of psychologists report no openings for new patients — so how does Kingren keep up with such a demanding workload? Here’s what she had to say.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

I have always wanted to find a career where I can be a helper. I just didn’t know what that meant for me. I knew that I wanted to offer something to people that gave them hope.

What drew me specifically to marriage and family therapy was that it really looks at the systemic approach. Instead of me looking at an individual and trying to figure out where their symptoms or behaviors are coming from, I look at everything around them and try to see how all of that may be impacting it.

From my experience, working with just one person is surface level. So when I can get multiple people and perspectives, I get a deeper understanding and a deeper ability to help.

The changes I get to see being made in my clients. I have watched people come in their initial session and feel really hopeless and desperate. And while it’s not the case every time, I have seen some incredible transformations take place. Seeing them go from feeling like they’re not sure what to do, feeling stuck, to feeling hopeful for their future, more certain of the decisions they’re making, more confident in who they are as a person and their worth, it’s just the greatest gift I could have been given as a therapist.

I had to really learn how to compartmentalize my job from myself, so that I don’t take work home with me. It’s definitely taken time. Initially, it took setting firm boundaries for myself professionally, figuring out how to turn off the therapy switch in my personal life.

As soon as I leave, I’m no longer Ellen the therapist. I’m Ellen the fiancée, the mother, the friend, the daughter.

A lot of people assume therapists are one-size-fits-all. One of the things I encourage my clients to do, if I feel like our therapeutic relationship isn’t progressing, is find the therapist that works for them. If you can’t trust the person you’re sharing that time with, it’s really hard to succeed.

There are generational differences. Someone who grew up in a time when mental health was stigmatized, compared to the adolescents I work with who grew up in a culture where mental health wasn’t as stigmatized, there’s much more willingness to be open and vulnerable.

This job is the most raw, beautiful teaching opportunity for humanity. I learn something every day, depending on who walks through my door. I learn about religion differences, culture differences, gender differences, racial differences.

I’ve learned how to be a better mother, a better human, how to walk in this world and realize I have no idea what a person’s experiences are, to give people a little bit more patience, empathy and understanding before I make any assumptions about who they are.

In Their Shoes is an occasional series highlighting Minnesotans at work. If there’s a type of job you want us to profile – or if you have someone who would be a good candidate – email us at InTheirShoes@startribune.com