We'll return to our regular yard work right after this message

Imagine having a simple but critical question you can't answer at home, so you go to the library. You expect to be pointed to the relevant aisle and shelf. "No," the librarian explains, "we don't do that. Sit here while we slowly pour the necessary information into your head through these two small pipes."

"I'm sorry, but wouldn't it be faster to let me read it? I'm pretty good at seeing words in sequence and figuring out what they mean."

"No, it has to be the pipes," the librarian says. "You can skip some of the information, but you'll have to watch an ad for vacation rentals."

You would not like this. But that is where we are when it comes to getting information on the internet. You have to watch a video, which involves sitting through ads.

The other day, I got out my edger, a device that makes for an even demarcation 'twixt grass and sidewalk. Once you edge, you must edge again, because the disorder will bother you. It never ends and no one cares, but, well, that's life, except for the part about never ending.

I hadn't used the edger since last year. I had to replace the wire. This is the part that hits the concrete, finds a piece of grit you put down on the ice in the winter of 2021, and flings it directly into your eye. The wire breaks frequently, so you have to keep pulling it out. (The broken parts are spun off by centrifugal force and enter the intake fans of overhead planes.)

I knew how to replace this, because even an idiot can do it, and in my case, an idiot does. But I could not get the parts back together.

The part I had removed was the trimmer attachment. It consists of two plastic blades that snap when they meet an object of resistance, like Jell-O, or a strand of overcooked spaghetti. It's like cutting grass with a rolling pin.

I googled the reattachment protocol, and sure enough, got a video. With ads. But no help; wrong model. Surely the company's website would have some information. It did! There was a QR code to download the app, which has all the manuals.

Oh, for heaven's sake. An app? For my edger? So it can send me notifications? Sign me up for an automated wire-spool subscription I won't be able to cancel without entering the Witness Protection Program?

Anyway, the manual helped. It was the section that should've been titled "How you should not operate things like this because you are, as noted, an idiot." Turns out that the trimmer and the edger components were different, could not be used simultaneously, and I was using the wrong part.

This is not something you get from a video, because a video cannot possibly presume all the ways in which you might make a bonehead mistake. It's like watching a video on how to replace a toilet-tank part, and the guy says, "Put the screw in your pocket, because there's a good chance it's going to go down the pipe. No, not your shirt pocket, it'll fall out when you lean over. Really, it's a wonder you remembered to swing both legs out of bed this morning instead of falling on your face."

I figured it out and commenced to edging. Did a nice job! If you'd like to know my secrets, drop me a line, and I'll send you a link to a video I made explaining how to do it right.