North Minneapolis funeral director sees his job as a calling

During the COVID pandemic, Estes Funeral Chapel’s work doubled as people died of the virus.

But Tracy Wesley, funeral director and mortician, found joy amid the grief and extra work.

He got married — at his workplace.

“We had planned a wedding at another venue, but COVID shut it down,” Wesley said. “Since the gathering had to be small, my wife and I decided to get married at the funeral home. It was joyous.”

Wesley looks at his job as a calling, one he felt at 6 years old.

“It wasn’t because of a traumatic experience or a death in the family,” Wesley said. “I really think it was what God placed upon me because I knew it was what I wanted to do.”

Wesley, 59, did not grow up around the business. After receiving a two-year degree in mortuary science at a community college in Kansas, where he grew up, he moved to the Twin Cities to help his uncle Richard Estes, who owned the north Minneapolis funeral home.

Wesley talked about why he needs to be a jack-of-all-trades, personal grief and the most important thing family members forget after a cremation. The interview has been edited for length and clarity.

Q: What is most misunderstood about your job?

A: Many people think that those in the funeral business are trying to profit off grief. That’s not the case, at least for me. There’s a cost to what we do. In accordance with the Federal Trade Commission rule, we provide an itemized price list and charge only for the services rendered. One of the reasons that rule was made was because funeral homes were offering package deals that included services that were not only not necessary but also raised the total cost.

Q: So, when do you increase the price tag?

A: Let us start with the casket. When the price from the casket manufacturers go up, our prices go up. Similarly, when chemical companies increase the price of embalming fluids, we cannot bear it all. All the price increases that affect people in their daily lives also impact the funeral business. When the gas prices and heat bill go up for you, they go up for us, too. People don’t seem to take that into account. I’m not trying to price gouge anyone, but I cannot offer services for free either.

A: The time factor. I am on call 24 hours a day. When death happens, we have to work — that’s just how it goes. But people call all day and all night. I will get calls about death certificates at 9 o’clock at night.

Q: Even holidays?

A: I’ve been gone for every holiday, including Thanksgiving and Christmas. When I first moved here, I was looking forward to my 21st birthday so much. My uncle came in that day and said that someone had died and that I had to work. It was a Native American, and the viewing for the body was something like 8 to midnight. I never got to celebrate 21 that night. So, I learned from the onset that you can make a lot of plans, but this job can make you change them.

Q: Does dealing with different cultures add another layer of stress?

A: I look at it as a learning experience. Not something that is difficult but something that is educational. My father was a school principal and so education was always emphasized. I was very fortunate to be raised by people who were very accepting of other races and cultures. It’s important to be open-minded and nonjudgmental in addition to being compassionate and sympathetic to do this work.

A: It never affected my dating life — even after I moved to Minnesota, when I resided in the living quarters of the previous funeral home. It never freaked out my dates. I think most people are intrigued by what I do.

Q: What’s something you learned on the job and not in school?

A: When I went to school both in Kansas City and here, my instructors were mostly Caucasian, and they didn’t teach the nuances of skin or hair types that are applicable to Black bodies. It was my uncle who taught me that so that I could satisfy our clientele better. His first wife was a beautician and he learned how to curl or straighten hair from her.

Q: According to the National Funeral Directors Association, the cremation rate was 60.5% last year and is expected to reach 80% by 2035. Are you seeing the shift from burials to cremations as well?

A: The rise in cremations is the biggest change I have seen since I started, especially in the minority cultures. For the longest time, I was conducting traditional services followed by burials. But in the past four to five years, there has been a steep increase in requests for cremations.

Q: What has surprised you about cremations?

A: A lot of families just don’t come by to pick up their loved ones.

Q: The ashes?

A: Yes, and I mean lot of people. After a body is cremated, the ashes are typically available 24 to 48 hours later. I keep the ashes in urns, along with the name, date and serial number, at the funeral home in the hopes that somebody someday will collect them.

Q: How long do you keep the ashes?

Q: Does grief ever get personal?

A: Absolutely, especially when I get to know people better. Just in the past year, I lost two really good friends. They were family to me ― not just clients. So, I was grieving and at the same time serving. There was also the time when I lost 16 family members who were very dear to me in four years. It started with my uncle’s passing and my father died soon after. I was not able to process that.

Q: Which is more demanding — being a funeral director or mortician?

A: I would say the funeral directing part, because we are dealing with personalities all the time. I understand the grief families go through and how everybody deals with it differently. Some are sad and some get angry. Often times, that anger is directed toward the funeral director because we are the ones who are there.

As a mortician, I’m in my lab preparing the deceased for the service. I’m in my element and by myself. I can concentrate on what I do and there’s no issues there.