‘Where did you meet?’ It was my 157th visit to the Joint Bar, and it was Mary’s first …

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It was a Thursday, because that was tequila night at the Joint Bar and our group would often stop by for a quick one. That evening, as I recall, it was Boomer and Bob and maybe some others. We were standing in a corner of the bar near the door.

Bob said his girlfriend might stop by, and sure enough she did. And she had in tow a woman she worked with at Bell Telephone. I don’t know if it was love at first sight, but it was something at first sight. I was nonplussed.

It was my 157th visit to the Joint Bar, and it was Mary’s first. It turns out the women were on their way to somewhere else, and so it was a flurry of communication that determined that all of us would be at a party that Saturday night at another friend’s apartment.

The next day, I was excited to think that I’d have a chance to talk to Mary at this party. But I had a dilemma. It had been a frenzy in the bar, plus a couple of margaritas, plus a noisy crowd, and I wondered if I’d even recognize this lady at a crowded party. Except for her image seared upon my soul, there had been precious little time to store away much facial recognition.

But I was young, a somewhat bright college student at the Great Gray Mediocrity, and I soon came up with a plan:

I would simply look for the prettiest girl in the room.

It worked, and a year later a wedding ensued, and now here we are with 50 years of marital bliss.

As that date approached earlier this year, it occurred to me that I might have to rise to my feet and say something at the anniversary gathering at same restaurant, Jax in Northeast, where we had our wedding dinner. If so prodded, I decided, I would tell that story, and also encourage people to stick together for the long-term benefits.

But then, what about the people who have never gotten married or who did and it didn’t work out?

This is an interesting time in American culture. Many people are choosing or at least falling back on a life by themselves. I wouldn’t want to offend anyone or to make them think that a solitary life (with lots of friends) isn’t fruitful or joyful.

I have members of my family in their 30s who despite a thousand dates have never found a partner. But I actually do have some advice for them: Get rid of the preconditions. The only thing that counts is the connection, the desire and willingness to stay together. Some will call it love. All the rest can be overcome, and in overcoming become some of the bedrock of the marriage or partnership.

OK, I’m off my soapbox, but I still want to say a couple of words about long-term relationships, now that I’m here at a milestone.

First of all, dispel any notion that it’s a smooth ride. Why else would Ben and Jennifer keep getting married and divorced? It’s a struggle from day one to day 18,250 (50 years). Part of being tied to another person by religious bonds or by a legal contract or just a mutual agreement is that you have to learn how to weather the storms without the ship going down.

A friend of mine from Hibbing who had ties back to the old country in Italy talked about the arranged marriages that were common in the day. These two people often never saw each other until their wedding day. Yet, he said, their marriages were as strong as steel and filled with love. It was the mutual commitment.

Yes, that dreamy glow of the honeymoon will fade away and something better, stronger and more durable will take its place.

At our wedding service, Father Lyons went off on a tirade regarding whether either one of us was thinking, “Well, if this doesn’t work out … .” No, he said. This is forever. The thought of divorce will never cross your mind. You are entering a covenant that lasts, just as the words you pronounced, “Till death do us part.” No exceptions.

So, if somehow you manage to get through five decades with the same person, there must be some reward for this herculean feat, right? I remember the old Jimmie Rodgers’ song: “We had a lot of kids, trouble and pain, but then, oh Lord, well we’d do it again.”

Would I do it again? Yeah, definitely. There are tangible rewards to sharing a life. Just a cursory review of how Mary has made me better would include that I eat better, I am better at loving my neighbor, I can control my habits better, and then there’s nothing like a long walk with your missus on a Sunday afternoon (but not during the Vikings game).

But more than that, it’s simply having someone with you to share the rocky road of life. Someone who knows you better, maybe, than you know yourself. Someone who has your back when the chips are down. Someone who knows your favorite dessert. Someone who can still crack you up. Someone who can remember all the neighbor’s names. Someone who is always changing, yet is still the same.

Someone to love.

Al Zdon is a writer who lives in Mounds View.