Don’t cry because it’s Joever, smile because I’m about to tell you my incredibly wholesome naked Joe Biden story

It was a sweltering weekend in Washington, D.C., and I was trying to get Joe Biden off the phone.

“Thank you, senator, I—”

“Well this was—”

“I know how busy you must be—”

Cheerfully brushing off any suggestion that a United States senator had better things to do, Biden pressed on, narrating his trip through the hardware store, filling me in on the repair project he was tackling at his mom’s house that weekend.

I was the Delaware correspondent for Gannett News Service, and he’d given me the quote I needed for my story three aisles ago. But if I’d learned anything since taking the job in 2005, I’d learned that there was no stopping this train. Best to hop aboard and see where Biden ended up.

Now we know. President Joe Biden will not seek a second term.

One and done. His legacy is secure. President, vice president, senator, husband, father, grandpa.

You know his stories. How won his first Senate race before he was old enough to hold office. How he lost his wife and baby daughter and spent 35 years commuting back and forth between Delaware and D.C. every night so his little boys wouldn’t lose their daddy, too. How he ran for president again and again and lost, only to pick himself up and try again until he won.

You know those stories. But have you ever heard my incredibly wholesome naked Joe Biden story? When they’re writing the glowing Biden chapters in the history books, we can only hope there’s room for the naked Joe Biden story. The first story he told me, the first time we met. I’ll share it at the end. Trust me, it’s worth the wait.

For two years, I was Delaware’s entire Washington press corps. I covered Biden on his good days and on the days he blurted offensive nonsense about 7-11 clerks. When he launched his 2008 presidential run, I tagged along on the campaign trail.

The Biden who bowed out of the race on Sunday, putting the good of his country before himself, was the Biden I remember. Not the frail shadow from the debate.

The Biden I remember was smart, ambitious, gaffe-prone, foul-mouthed, funny, flawed and fundamentally decent. The Biden I remember was kind when he didn’t need to be, like the time I was lost in New York City and he waved me over to a taxi already crowded with his family and campaign staff.

“I’m pretty sure there’s no room,” I said.

“Nah, it’ll be fine,” he said. “Ashley [Biden’s then-teenage daughter] can sit on your lap.”

I had already told the candidate that I would be leaving D.C. and the Delaware beat. There was absolutely no strategic value in giving me a lift that day. But Biden saw someone in trouble and wanted to help. Imagine how painful it must have been for him to see the country in trouble and still step aside, trusting others to step in and help instead.

I’ll remember Biden for his kindness. But most of all, I’ll remember the naked Joe Biden story. And here it is.

Our story begins on a congressional junket to Afghanistan, where Biden — ranking Democrat on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee — and his colleagues found themselves, travel-stained and weary, at a U.S. military base. Eager to freshen up, the senators joined a long line of soldiers waiting for the showers.

The line was long and shower time was brief. In the interest of time, as Biden told the story, everyone stripped down and carried their toiletries in a little bucket.

At this point in the narrative, Biden hopped to his feet and did a little shuffle across the floor of his office, clutching an invisible bucket. “And we’re all naked, see,” he said, shuffling a few more steps for emphasis. Across the room, Biden staffers heaved resigned sighs and palmed their faces. “Naked!”

While I tried very, very hard not to picture any of this, the story continued.

Suddenly, Biden said, he had a strange feeling that he was being observed. Then he heard a shutter click. He turned to see a red-faced young soldier aiming a camera in his direction.

“Soldier,” Biden said. “What are you doing?”

“Sorry, sir,” the soldier reportedly replied. “But my mom is never going to believe I met a senator otherwise.”

This concludes my naked Joe Biden story. I hope it gives you a fraction of the joy it’s given me over the years. If anyone in American politics has earned a rest, it’s Biden. And if that photo actually exists out there somewhere, please never, ever show it to me.