With 'cuffing season' near, a Minneapolis dating expert offers advice on how to pair well

Cuffing season is just around the corner.

That's when "cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed," or in a relationship, according to the crowdsourced website Urban Dictionary.

Searches for the term (which stems from handcuff) tend to spike in October and November in Minnesota and across the United States, according to Google Trends. And it got a boost last December when SZA's spoof song "Big Boys" on "Saturday Night Live" went viral on TikTok.

In the skit, women are looking for "big boys" to keep them warm during the cold winter months. The criteria? Those big boys must have "polar bear arms" for those winter snowstorms and carrying in all the groceries in just one trip.

Local matchmaker Julie Spangler said that while inquiries for her dating services remain steady throughout the year, cold weather ups the ante on looking for love. It can also lead to people settling for someone who may not be right for them.

Spangler ought to know. She got her start in the business by setting up friends and family members for fun. Channeling the knowledge she gained from 20 years in the corporate world (working in recruiting, marketing and human resources), she formed Selective Connections in 2012.

Her clients range in age from 30 to 70 and are looking for committed relationships. Because she works by client referrals only, she doesn't maintain a website.

With dropping temperatures, cuffing season is heading our way. We asked Spangler how singletons can form solid, long-lasting connections and not just settle for the winter.

Q: Why are people tempted to settle?
A: I don't think that people should ever settle because I think it's really important for people to know there's a person for everyone. I think in Minnesota, especially with fall and winter being colder, it's easier for people to feel like it's more difficult to meet their ideal partner. Minnesotans during this time of year tend to cocoon.

Q: How do you know you're not settling?
A: I think a person knows when they're settling if in their mind they are thinking "Is he or she good enough? Or nice enough?" Like anytime that word "enough" comes into play, I feel like that's a sign of a person that's settling. You know you're not settling when you feel like you're the luckiest person in the world with that other person.

Q: What are some good winter date ideas?
A: I think people need to be more creative during the winter, as there's not as many organic ways of meeting people like walking the lakes. I always tell my clients to write down a list of maybe 15 different ideas that they have that makes for a first date. Maybe look online to see what events are available. You could go to the theater, you could walk at the Galleria or anywhere indoors. There's also skiing, going to a brewery or dinner.

Q: Are there any types of dates you think people should avoid?
A: I tend to tell people to stay away from movies because I feel like for a first date it's better to have more interaction. Also escape rooms. I had one client who suggested that's what he wanted to do with his date. Apparently, it did not go well because the process was really frustrating.

Q: Dating can be a drag. What approach do you recommend?
A: I really encourage people on their first date to be curious, like you're meeting a friend. Don't have high expectations like "Is this the person I'm going to marry?" I always think that a really successful date is to have a wonderful time getting to know somebody. Be yourself and be relaxed. You're not going into an interview process.

Q: You're a big advocate a second date. Why?
A: I always encourage people to go out on a second date because first dates tend to be really awkward and sometimes people want to be more natural, but they're not. I've had many weddings where on their first date, they said, "I didn't feel the chemistry or I didn't see a future." When I encouraged them to go on a second date, the date was six hours long and they ended up getting married.