N.Y. teen meets Minneapolis teacher who saved her life with bone marrow donation

The only clue that 13-year-old Gwen Cinquemani received about the identity of the woman who stepped up to save her life came in the form of a tracking label.

It was November 2018, and the teen from New Rochelle, N.Y., was in the hospital, depleted by chemo and about to receive a bone marrow transplant for a rare blood disorder. When Cinquemani's medical team brought in the transfusion bag, the tag revealed that the marrow had traveled from somewhere in the Central Time Zone.

"Omigod! We have it narrowed to a few million people," her mom, Tiffany, remembers saying.

In the months preceding that day, Gwen and her family did a lot of wondering. They knew Gwen's donor was female. They knew she was young. Gwen even dreamed about her identity.

"I definitely imagined who it could be almost every day," the teenager said. "I knew I needed to meet them. They were doing such a big thing for me, I felt like I had to know who they were."

The mystery donor turned out to be Haven Davis, a high school sexual health educator from Minneapolis. Haven, 34, decided to sign up through the national registry run by Minneapolis-based Be the Match after listening to an episode of the podcast Radiolab. She swabbed her cheek and didn't think much of it until she got the call informing her that she was a match for a 13-year-old girl in need.

When she heard that the patient was a teenager, "I was like, 'I'm in. That's all you need to say,' " Haven recalled.

Haven told me she never had a second thought about her decision to donate. The experience of extending a young stranger's life, and finding an unlikely connection with Gwen and her family some 1,200 miles away, sometimes overwhelms her.

"It feels like looking into the sun — it's too bright," Haven told me with a laugh.

But for Gwen and her family, Haven's act of generosity was everything. In August 2018, Gwen had some bloodwork done at her annual physical after Tiffany noticed her daughter seemed more rundown than usual.

"The very next day, I was sitting at work and got a phone call from the doctor," said Tiffany. "His exact words were, 'I don't know what's wrong, but you do need to get Gwen to the hospital immediately.' "

Gwen was diagnosed with myelodysplastic syndrome, or MDS, which likely would have developed into an aggressive leukemia had she not received the bone marrow transplant. Gwen is a triplet, but neither brother was a match.

Within a couple of days, however, Gwen's family learned that the registry did show a match for her from an undisclosed donor. Things moved swiftly after that.

In Minneapolis, Haven underwent an outpatient procedure at M Health Fairview. While she was under anesthesia, doctors used a needle to extract liquid marrow from the back of her pelvic bone through two small incisions. Upon awakening she was tired and sore. But after resting up at home with TV and naps, she was back to work within a few days. "It was relatively pain-free," Haven recalled.

In New York, doctors had to wipe out Gwen's bone marrow, a feat achieved by pumping the teen's body with chemotherapy over 10 days leading up to the transplant. Tiffany remembers feeling conflicted by the sight of it.

"You watch your daughter literally being poisoned," she said, "but they're saving her life."

The transplant was performed similarly to a blood transfusion. But the doctors and nurses continued to stay watchful over Gwen to make sure her body was accepting the marrow to produce new blood cells and platelets. After 56 days in the hospital, Gwen was finally sent home.

A year after the procedure, Be the Match approached both Gwen and Haven to see if they wanted to be contacted by the other party. When Haven sent that first e-mail to Gwen, "it took almost everything out of me not to answer right away," Gwen recalled. "My family and I sat down and came up with a response on how we were going to thank her. 'Thank you' really didn't say enough."

But thank her they did. Thank you for saving our daughter's life, the note back said.

"It was pretty intense — I kind of lost it," Haven recounted. "My partner was standing in the kitchen, and I came into the kitchen sobbing with my phone held out in front of me. I shoved it in his face and let him read it. It was incredible."

Haven and Gwen began a long-distance friendship that extended over not just e-mails, but video chats that continued throughout the pandemic and amid a health scare for Haven. About a year ago, doctors found a benign brain tumor that needed to be removed, so it was back to the hospital again. For the surgery, Haven decided to buzz off all of her hair and invited Gwen and her mom to a head-shaving party held over Zoom.

Today, both Gwen and Haven are healthy. They met this month at a Be the Match gala in New York. At long last, Gwen could thank in person the humble woman who gave her the greatest gift. Haven hugged her, pausing to cup the teen's smiling face with her hands as if to take stock of the vibrant 17-year-old high school cheerleader with her whole life ahead of her.

Between tears, she told Gwen she was blown away that "something that cost me so little could mean so much to you and your family."

Later at the Cinquemani house, their extended families met, too, a bond that Gwen and Haven say will continue for the long haul.

If there's a lesson to be learned in any of this, Haven says, maybe it's to say yes to unexpected things. She told me it might lead you to a powerful experience, to be a part of something bigger than yourself.

"I just feel gratitude that we have this unique connection," Haven said. "It feels like a gift to me, too."

If you're interested in learning more about being a bone marrow donor, visit bethematch.org.