Dear Amy: I was in a 13-year marriage that was quite lonely and without intimacy, but I filled those lonely moments with travel and adventure. I finally gave up on trying to fix our broken relationship.
Enter "New Guy." We met last year and hit it off like dynamite. He's smart, stable, attentive, and loves me. He says he was attracted to me because of my free spirit, confidence, drive and intelligence.
I am self-employed, financially very stable and chose my profession so I could travel. He wants to travel, too, but he is an engineer and gets only two weeks off a year.
He proposed marriage and I accepted, but now I'm seeing red flags.
I have some opportunities for business travel that appear "fun," but he doesn't want me going if he can't come with me. He makes me feel terrible if I want to go without him.
He has traveled to many wonderful places for his job, but he sees my travel as if I'm vacationing without him. I can't compromise something that is so much a part of me and be limited to only two weeks of travel a year just to fit his schedule.
I don't want to blow the best relationship of my life, but I will end up very resentful if I have to give up a big part of who I am for someone else. I never want to do that again. How do I navigate this?
Amy says: Years ago, just after I got (re)married, my new husband told me that he wanted to run for local office. This would involve many nights campaigning and attending meetings, leaving me alone in our household. I was completely opposed to his doing this, and told him so.
