Ask Amy: Move on by moving on

Dear Amy: My husband let me know that he and our two daughters will be traveling 2,000 miles to celebrate his brother's 70th birthday, which is two days before my 70th birthday. This was set up behind my back, and after I learned about it, I was told that we would celebrate my birthday sometime in the following month.

I am so angry and disappointed that he would do this. We've had many problems in our marriage, but this feels like the last straw. Any ideas on how to move on and get over my anger?

Amy says: One way to move on would be to actually move on. Given the way you have described this, I think you should use their time away to contact a lawyer and educate yourself about your financial prospects, as well as the personal and emotional consequences of you leaving the marriage.

Truth be told, it seems that your husband has already at least partially left.

After doing this research, you might decide to stay, at least for now, but it will be your choice.

Dear Amy: Many years ago, while I was at work, my sister-in-law asked my 3-year-old daughter (who is very mature) if she would like her to be her godmother.

I found out about this later when my daughter asked me, "Auntie asked me if I wanted her to be my godmother. What is that?" I was completely offended by this very inappropriate behavior. This is not a conversation to be conducted with a young child in the absence of the parent.

When I confronted my brother about this, he did his usual behavior of hiding the truth by claiming it was a misunderstanding. He was certain she meant "fairy godmother" or something imaginary like that.

I hated being played for stupid. I expected an apology, so later, I confronted my SIL. To this day, she blames my daughter for misunderstanding and has never apologized. This has caused a rift in family compatibility, so, trying to be practical about things, I told my SIL, "I will drop this, but I will never believe you about this."

How do you recommend I move forward knowing that my SIL will never admit an error and makes terrible judgment calls?

Amy says: You say this happened "many years ago." You have ruminated and fumed about this incident all that time. Surely it is time to stop, if only for your own sake.

At this point, you have all the information you need to have regarding your sister-in-law's long-ago behavior, as well as the fact that she will never apologize for it. You have acted on this information and have stated your boundary.

Your daughter is older and should be able to defend herself against manipulation and create her own boundaries. Moving on is a choice you need to make.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com.