Ask Amy: Relocation poses relationship threat

Dear Amy: My significant other of 13 years is six years older than I am. He wants to retire in a year or two and move more than 200 miles away from the town where we both currently live.

I have my own home, family and job in my hometown and have no interest in moving. Should we try a long-distance relationship, or break up now because our future plans don't seem to include the other?

Amy says: I sense in the subtext of your question that you might feel stung by what you perceive as his choice not only to leave town, but to leave you.

So yes, you could preempt this still far-off choice by breaking up, or you could wait to see what happens. If he lands in a nice spot, you might see this as each of you having something of a second home to travel to when you want to.

Most important, however, is the need for each of you to communicate, honestly and frankly, about your plans for the future — both as individuals and as a couple.

Dear Amy: My husband and I have successful careers, a house we enjoy and two dogs we love. We are not sure about having children. We're not ruling it out, but we're also not ruling it in.

Lately my mother has been starting to pressure us. This started out subtly, but then the pressure grew until over Thanksgiving, when she flatly said, "You owe me grandchildren."

Can she possibly believe that? What is the best way to react?

Amy says: I can well imagine how this statement might have struck you. Because you continue to ruminate on it, you should express your concern to your mother. I suggest writing down your thoughts and using that as a blueprint for a conversation.

You do not owe it to anyone to have children. You could ask your mother, "Do you really believe that I owe you grandchildren?" She might respond that no, she just really wants grandchildren.

But she might believe that because she gave everything to you as you were growing up, that now it's time for her to collect. Or maybe a lot of her friends are experiencing grandparenthood, and she wants that, too.

Basically, you should patiently query her, listen carefully to her responses and then lower the velvet boom: "Mom, you want what you want. And I want what I want. Pressuring me to have children for your sake is out of bounds. We may have children. We might not. But fulfilling your needs can't be part of our decision-making, and I'd appreciate it if you respected this boundary."

Dear Amy: On that pesky subject of tipping, there's a situation I am wondering about.

When in a bakery where the customer goes to a counter, points to an item they want and an employee hands it to them, the credit card software asks what tip the customer wants to leave.

There's no service rendered other than handing the item to a customer. Being asked to leave a tip leaves me not wanting to frequent that bakery anymore. Have the tipping gods decreed we now must tip everyone?

Amy says: Back when we paid cash for most things, a bakery or coffee shop might have had a tip cup on the counter where you could deposit the leftover change from your transaction if you chose to.

I agree that this automatic tip option is going too far, but I will run any responses from business owners explaining their reasoning.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com