Ask Amy: Spiritual quest leads him astray

Dear Amy: I have been with my husband for 29 years. For the most part, we are happy and compatible. However, over the last three years he has changed course on me.

We were both Christians until he embraced a New Age philosophy that is in no way compatible with my beliefs. He stopped attending services with me and has no interest in our church anymore. This hurts me deeply.

I still love him, but this has put a barrier between us. Plus, some of the comments he has made have caused trust issues on my part. For instance, he says that he believes it is OK for a partner to cheat if he or she is unhappy, because God wants us to be happy.

It seems his morals have gone out the window along with his religion. What do you think I should do?

Amy says: Although I do believe that every person has the human right to explore spiritual beliefs and practices, I think this is a marital issue.

Does God want married people to cheat in order to chase their own happiness? Aha! We've arrived at your husband's motivation. Everything else is boilerplate. I think you should assume that your husband has fashioned a God that will approve of his behavior, as a way to gaslight you.

Dear Amy: I am a nondrinker in my 60s. I have to go to a great niece's wedding, and they are having a cocktail hour at a bar next door. I don't want to go to a bar. My husband thinks it's OK to go there and have a soft drink.

I don't want to be seen in a bar and do not think it's right for me to even pretend I'm drinking alcohol or put on the illusion of doing so. I want to set a good example for others and maintain my own standards.

This wedding is being held in a casino (which I don't care to go to, either), but I am obligated. Would it be acceptable to just stay at the casino between the end of the ceremony and beginning of the reception? Or go to my car?

Amy says: People who go to bars and drink soft drinks are not pretending to drink alcohol. They simply are enjoying a soft drink at a venue that also serves alcohol.

However, you are not obligated to attend the cocktail hour before the reception. This cocktail period usually is provided for guests while the wedding party is being photographed before the reception.

And — not to put too fine a point on it — but casinos are also dens of iniquity. If you want to avoid temptation, you might want to stay in your car.

Wherever you choose to perch during this period, I hope you will do your best to attain and maintain a nonjudgmental attitude toward other guests.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com.