Dear Amy: For the past year, I have been dating a man who is separated from his wife. They separated shortly before we started dating, and both want a divorce. He loves his two children (11 and 13) very much, but does (fairly openly) regret having children with her.

He and I live together. I know we rushed this, but there were various factors: He is still paying the mortgage on his house, and all expenses. His wife doesn't work.

His friends know about me, but his wife is barely aware of my existence/importance to him, and doesn't know that we live together. I'm fine with this because her knowing could make the divorce worse. Nor do I really want to interact with her.

Bluntly speaking, he is dreading starting divorce proceedings because of the nastiness that could ensue around the money. So he is not moving forward, and he gets very upset when I bring it up.

I am 31, and very much want to have a family (especially with him). He also echoes this and says he wants the same thing.

My concern is that because of his inaction, the divorce will take a long time, and, thus, the integration of me into his life (i.e. meeting his children) will take more time, making me too old to have a child by the time all this is ironed out.

How can I stay supportive but also stick up for myself (without nagging)? Am I being too impatient? How does one keep faith?

Amy says: By cohabiting, you are pushing this man's divorce farther into the future. Because he is living with and sharing expenses with someone he also loves, he has no incentive to initiate the emotionally, legally and financially challenging process of dissolving his marriage. Whew! What a relief for him.

Yes, his choice to cohabit with you could ultimately make a divorce tougher for him. Quite simply, he should not be doing it. In addition to every other negative factor, his children will feel quite betrayed when they find out. (And they will find out.)

I understand your stance that you'd just as soon reside in the shadows and avoid this drama, but you also should understand that your guy is pathologically passive, paralyzed or both.

He should seek the advice of an attorney immediately, and he should follow the attorney's advice. And you should ask him to stay with a friend or family member until he can get things sorted out.

You also might consider the reality of having a child with someone who regrets having the children he already has.

Overstaying a welcome

Dear Amy: We have guests that have visited us every year for 20 years. They used to split their stay between their sister and us, but now they stay only with us. They stay a week, which is too long for us.

How can I tell them that three days would work out much better? I remember the old saying: "Both fish and guests start to stink after three days."

Can you suggest ways we could handle this?

Amy says: Be honest. As hosts for 20 years, you've more than earned the right to advocate for yourselves.

Try this: "We're really looking forward to your annual visit. Unfortunately, we need to shrink your stay with us down to three nights. We hope you'll still find a visit worthwhile and promise to pack in a week's worth of visit into a shorter time. Can we make a plan?"

Send questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com.