Dear Amy: For the past year, I have been dating a man who is separated from his wife. They separated shortly before we started dating, and both want a divorce. He loves his two children (11 and 13) very much, but does (fairly openly) regret having children with her.
He and I live together. I know we rushed this, but there were various factors: He is still paying the mortgage on his house, and all expenses. His wife doesn't work.
His friends know about me, but his wife is barely aware of my existence/importance to him, and doesn't know that we live together. I'm fine with this because her knowing could make the divorce worse. Nor do I really want to interact with her.
Bluntly speaking, he is dreading starting divorce proceedings because of the nastiness that could ensue around the money. So he is not moving forward, and he gets very upset when I bring it up.
I am 31, and very much want to have a family (especially with him). He also echoes this and says he wants the same thing.
My concern is that because of his inaction, the divorce will take a long time, and, thus, the integration of me into his life (i.e. meeting his children) will take more time, making me too old to have a child by the time all this is ironed out.
How can I stay supportive but also stick up for myself (without nagging)? Am I being too impatient? How does one keep faith?
Amy says: By cohabiting, you are pushing this man's divorce farther into the future. Because he is living with and sharing expenses with someone he also loves, he has no incentive to initiate the emotionally, legally and financially challenging process of dissolving his marriage. Whew! What a relief for him.