Dear Eric: My brother is 22 and has always had a girlfriend, though none of the relationships have lasted. His previous girlfriends have been controlling and possessive, to the point that he breaks up with them.
His current girlfriend seems to be the same way, but he is head over heels for her. Not only is she possessive and wants him to spend all his time with her, but it appears that she is a pathological liar. She has lied to him, my family and other people we know, then gets defensive when caught in the lies.
They are spending time together to the point that he rarely does anything with his friends or family, and when he does, she gets upset.
I love my brother, and I trust his judgment, but I am extremely worried about his relationship becoming abusive. They’ve been together for only two months, and she’s already calling him “hubby” and he bought her a ring. Perhaps I’m having flashbacks of my own past abusive relationship, but I can’t help but worry for him. My parents are concerned as well.
Should I bring up my concerns to him or just let it play out? He is an adult, so I don’t feel it’s my place to interfere.
Eric says: Though you say you trust your brother’s judgment, I don’t think that’s actually the case. And that’s fine — he’s 22 and he has a track record of making questionable relationship decisions. It’s OK to have doubts.
And it’s OK to communicate your concerns to him in a way that’s rooted in love. So, please talk to him.
He may not see the issues that you do, or he may not see them the way you do. Hearing the perspective of a loved one could open his eyes more. Failing that, at least your conversation can remind him that he’s got others to depend on.