Ask Eric: Cousin’s behavior is troubling

She shuts out anyone who questions her decisions.

Chicago Tribune
March 23, 2025 at 8:59AM

Dear Eric: My cousin (more like a sister) has been making some extremely rash and concerning choices over the last year. After she had her second baby, she left her husband and started seeing a series of borderline-abusive men. She is now in the process of signing over full custody of her children to her ex-husband and is buying a house out of state.

She is unwilling to accept anything less than “full support” from her family and friends. She has completely cut off her sister, even to the point of not attending her wedding, because her sister expressed that maybe it was time for her to get some help with her mental health. She has not spoken to her mother in months, either.

I don’t want to cut her off, because I think she genuinely does need help and is experiencing something very challenging. But I honestly think she is a danger to herself. If I say as much, she will cut me off too. Should I stay in her life, so I can help when she inevitably needs it? Or do I need to take a harsher stance with regard to enabling her behavior?

Eric says: If you can, try to stay in her life, but with strong boundaries. You don’t have to cosign her behavior, but she needs someone who cares about her who can ask the right questions, listen to her and help keep her safe. Reach out to the 988 Lifeline by dialing or texting 988. A Lifeline counselor can connect you with local resources and help specific to your cousin’s situation.

You’ll also want to continue talking with her sister and her mother about her; she’ll need a strong network of care, even if she’s refusing to engage with them right now. Please take care of yourself, too.

A strange decision

Dear Eric: My dad and I are super close. Or so I thought. I have six siblings, four of which live in the same town he does. I live many hours away.

I speak to him daily. Whenever he needs anything, I drive down to help him, often staying for days or weeks at a time. During a health crisis, I stayed with him for five months, and was his in-home caregiver. We rarely heard from the others, some never.

My dad just did his will. He has named three of the siblings as his executors, as well as his power of attorneys. I am absolutely dumbfounded. How do I resolve this in my brain that I am not respected, even though I am the person who has been there for every difficult issue for him?

Eric says: Start by talking to your dad about his decision. Ask him about his thinking, in a nonjudgmental way, and talk with him through his plans for care. Has he had conversations with your siblings about what the power of attorney arrangement means? Do they know what his wishes are regarding long-term care? Is there a system in place to help him should other health issues arise? Getting some insight into what’s going on in his head will help you to see the full picture.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110.

about the writer

about the writer

R. Eric Thomas

More from Lifestyle

In this image provided by Chicago Animal Care and Control, a person holds an alligator, Tuesday, July 16, 2019, in Chicago. Police say an expert from Florida captured the elusive alligator in a public lagoon at Humboldt Park early Tuesday.

Cleaning crew found it under the bed.