Ask Eric: Facing mortality, is it fair to get a pet?

Dear Eric: I’m a 78-year-old widow who has been without a cat for one year now; first time in my life. I don’t expect to live much more than two more years. Is it fair to adopt a pet that will outlive me? I do travel as well. I do not have any family, so who would get the cat when I die remains unknown. I feel I’m being selfish, or is a little time “at home” for a cat better than none?

Eric says: For starters, you don’t say why you expect to live only two more years. Do you have a fatal condition and are going off a doctor’s estimate, in which case there’s legitimacy to your question. Or have you just picked 80 out of the air as a typical lifespan, meaning you could live another 15 years or more.

 In any event, the past year without a cat must have been hard for you. It’s a rough transition after being with cats your whole life. If you are worrying that you’re going to die soon, consider fostering a cat or cats. This not only provides companionship for you and the cat, but potentially can help a local shelter free up space so that another cat in need of a home can come in.

You also might reach out to friends to see if anyone they know needs a temporary home for a pet. Volunteering at an animal shelter is another great way of keeping pets in your life.

Dear Eric: My son, his wife and my grandchild live with her parents. The problem is that her parents have so much clutter and mess around it’s awful. I worry about my grandchild being around this. My son also is stressed about being around it. He said sometimes he would rather not come home. He wanted me to say something to his mother-in-law, but I don’t know how to bring it up or what to say.

Eric says: I empathize with your son’s position, but the mess is his to address, not yours. There may be parts of this living situation that he just has to accept until he and his wife are able to move out.

I understand the stress this brings, especially if this clutter presents a fire hazard. There are resources, like the book “Goodbye Things” by Fumio Sasaki or the support group Clutterers Anonymous (clutterersanonymous.org).

Your son is best equipped to raise concerns about safety and the living environment for his own child. And when he does, he also can suggest solutions. Your intercession isn’t likely to change things for the better, no matter how good your intentions are. Indeed, it might come across as judgment and get dismissed.

I realize that your son often is too stressed to come home, but this is his home for now, and, for the sake of his family, he has to find a way to make it work for everyone involved.

Dear Eric: I’m responding to the writer whose child died and didn’t know how to respond when people asked, “How are you?” Ten years ago, we lost our 27-year-old son unexpectedly; he died in his sleep. When people asked how I was, I couldn’t say I was OK. My response became, “I’m managing.” I was managing to get from hour-to-hour/day-to-day. It’s simple and truthful and tended to end the conversation.

Eric says: That’s a graceful and succinct reply. And, as you said, truthful. I’m sorry for the loss of your son, and I’m grateful for the wisdom you shared. We don’t have to hide ourselves from others, even when the truth is less than totally optimistic. Managing is where you were — indeed, where so many of us are — and that’s OK.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110.