Does your church discriminate against LGBTQ people? Are you sure?

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Maybe the church on your block has a 30-year-old pastor, trendy graphic design and a full band every Sunday. Maybe the church a friend or relative attends has beautiful stained-glass windows and a congregation of kind seniors who host monthly potlucks. Maybe your own church has some LGBTQ members and describes itself as “inclusive” and “welcoming.”

A church’s aesthetics tell you almost nothing about its values. In fact, the vast majority of churches do not permit same-sex weddings and do not allow LGBTQ people to serve as pastors. In other words, they’re discriminatory, and many in the congregation may not even realize it.

I’m a Christian, a queer woman and a big fan of spreadsheets. So on a whim, I started a list of every church in Minneapolis to capture just how many have policies that are anti-LGBTQ. From experience, I’ve developed a niche skill in “sleuthing” churches online to find their real policies, even if they’re vague or hidden. Usually that means checking if a church is affiliated with a denomination or network that requires anti-LGBTQ discrimination. I also look for specific phrases in their statement of faith or archived sermons. Occasionally, I’ll email a pastor to ask directly, but they typically don’t respond.

My final tally: Around 80% of churches in the city do not support same-sex marriage or LGBTQ people serving as church leaders. Such a high percentage of anti-LGBTQ policies surprised even me, an experienced advocate.

If you attend a church or support a Christian nonprofit, you deserve to know whether it aligns with your moral values. I used to trust that specific denominations with a “liberal” reputation were reliably LGBTQ-friendly. In fact, all seven major mainline (moderate/liberal) denominations, including the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (ELCA), allow each church to decide individually whether to discriminate or not. Multiple times in my life, I’ve invested my time and donated my money to congregations that appeared friendly and reacted with normal nonchalance when they found out I was queer, only to discover later that I was not allowed to lead a Bible study. A church I attended for several years flew a pride flag outside but would not host same-sex weddings.

At my most generous, I lament that my investment in those churches wasted my time and theirs. At my most cynical, I wonder if it’s an explicit scam to collect tithes and volunteer hours from liberal and moderate Christians who might find another church if they actually knew the truth of what their church stood for. Do church leaders believe that people don’t care whether they discriminate or not? Or is ambiguity a strategy to avoid being associated with a deeply unpopular stance? One clear tell: if they respond to accusations of discrimination with vague platitudes like “I go to a church that opens their doors to absolutely everyone” (actor Chris Pratt) or “It should break our hearts that often we are known more for what we are against than what we are for” (activist and author Shane Claiborne), it’s a strategy.

I’m not asking churches and pastors to change their minds because I don’t have the patience to argue with people who are still anti-LGBTQ in the year 2024. I’m asking Christians and others who engage with churches or Christian nonprofits to ask them the specific, difficult questions about discrimination: Does this church host same-sex weddings? Would this organization hire an LGBTQ staff member? Even if you think you know, double check! And don’t take “God loves everyone,” “all are welcome,” or “let’s get coffee and talk about it” for an answer. Get that policy in writing.

Lily Dunk is a data analyst who lives in Minneapolis. Readers can contact her at lily.b.dunk@protonmail.com for more information.