Home alone: America's crisis of isolation

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We are living in an age of placeless possibility: an age when we can instantly get in touch with another person no matter where they are on the planet. We can catch up with friends and family, network and even date virtually. We can connect with hundreds simultaneously Zooming in from far-flung locations.

It would be easy to assume that place no longer matters. But while technology can increase the quantity and efficiency of our connections, the relationships that matter — the ones we depend on so much for our well-being — are rooted firmly in physical places.

"An increasing portion of the U.S. population now experiences isolation regularly," writes Julianne Holt-Lunstad, a Brigham Young University psychology professor who has studied the problem extensively. We are more likely to live alone, less likely to be married and are having fewer children than previous generations.

Many of us live far from our closest friends and family. A 2020 study by Cornell University's Karl Pillemer found that more than a quarter of us are estranged from a close relative.

Put another way: We have fewer guests at our holiday gatherings than we used to.

Our growing social disconnection and isolation have become a public health crisis, harming childhood development, contributing to more deaths of despair and exacerbating polarization and mistrust. Many studies have shown that health and happiness depend on the strength of relationships — not just with family and friends but also with acquaintances, neighbors and the rest of our communities. And as the COVID-19 shutdowns taught us, online relationships are not comparable stand-ins for in-person interactions.

We often feel helpless in the face of this large-scale social disconnection. But each of us can take a step to address it this holiday season — by inviting a neighbor to join us for a meal.

Modern life downplays the importance of neighbors. But we should not underestimate the strength of the bonds that shared geography can create between people who might otherwise feel little connection, perhaps because they're on opposite sides of ideological divides. Like family and friends, neighbors are "relational nutrients to a healthy person," noted Howard Lawrence of the Abundant Community Initiative in Edmonton, Alberta.

Neighborhood ties are especially important in times of crisis. During a deadly 1995 heat wave in Chicago, the North Lawndale neighborhood suffered more than six times as many fatalities as South Lawndale even though the two places were socioeconomically similar. In his "social autopsy" of the incident, the sociologist Eric Klinenberg attributed the difference to South Lawndale's healthy social life, robust civic organizations and low crime rate, which nurtured stronger norms related to helping those in need.

Our culture prizes the ability to work through our issues and figure things out for ourselves. If a sick child needs to be picked up in the middle of the workday, many of us are more likely to muddle through than call on a grandparent, friend or neighbor. And fewer of us can turn to religious congregations or other place-based support networks that were pervasive in earlier generations.

Too many of us are choosing efficiency over connection. We think our time is much better spent at the gym than at a neighborhood block party or community fundraiser. We hoard our precious few hours of free time to ourselves.

This comes at a cost: "If we don't know our neighbors, aren't active in local community life, pay for others to raise our children and service our elders, and try to buy our way into a good life, we produce," wrote John McKnight and Peter Block in "The Abundant Community," a "weak family, a careless community, and a nation that tries hopelessly to revive itself from the top down."

It's time to reverse course. Holiday celebrations often revolve around family, but this season also provides great opportunities to extend a hand to those who live nearby, especially those who might be alone or going through a difficult time. Do your part to reduce isolation and division. Invite a neighbor over for dinner.

Seth D. Kaplan is a lecturer at Johns Hopkins University's School of Advanced International Studies and the author of "Fragile Neighborhoods: Repairing American Society, One Zip Code at a Time." He wrote this for the Los Angeles Times.