Q: I made a mistake at work that cost my company some money and embarrassed some executives. Yet everyone seems to be moving on but me; I can't seem to let go and no longer trust my own judgment. What can I do to move past this?
Leia, 52, director
A: Forgive yourself. A simple answer, and as you have seen, not easy to do.
Start by thinking deeply about the reactions of people around you. It sounds like they still trust you and have not lost confidence in your ability and judgment.
Looking at yourself from the outside, what do you see? If you catch yourself becoming harsh, step back to that third- party perspective. Some emotional distance might help you get a more positive take.
Also take a more dispassionate look at the actual incident. Clearly it did not rise to the level of "fire-able offense." Teach yourself to view it in a less-intense way by describing it as someone else might. To you, it was a disaster; to someone else, it may have been a blip.
Now start to convert it to a useful source of learning and development for you. While you may not be in exactly the same situation again, there are likely insights that you can distill. For example, perhaps you want to be more thorough in reviewing your project assumptions. Maybe you need to do more in-depth risk assessments. Or your communication may have been too little too late. Whatever the factor, consider ways that you can become better at your job as a result of this experience.
But what if you are just stuck? If you are continuing to ruminate on the incident, it's time to break that pattern. One of the tricks that works for me is similar to a strategy that is effective with the average toddler: distraction. Find something to be busy with, and when you find your mind slipping back into the rut, consciously choose a different topic to think about.