Is my new boyfriend married?

Q: I have a great boyfriend I love very much. We work together — he’s an executive — and even though we aren’t supposed to be dating, the attraction was just too strong. We have been working together for four months and dating for three.

However, when he walked into work today, I noticed he was wearing a wedding ring. He had an early meeting and went directly into his office. When the meeting was over, we chatted for a while, and I noticed he no longer was wearing the ring. Is there any explanation other than he is married? I can’t think of one. What is good ex-etiquette — although I’m not sure he’s an ex?

A: I can’t think of another explanation, either. I can think of a lot of red flags, however.

First one, this is calculated, and he is fully aware that he is betraying not just one woman, but two.

Second red flag, he is your superior at work. There are reasons why this kind of relationship is forbidden. The power imbalance can raise concerns about coercion, such as pressure to stay in the relationship to keep one’s job. Plus, other employees can be concerned about preferential treatment if you advance quickly through the ranks. He knows this.

Here’s something else to consider: What if there are children? If he didn’t tell you about his wife, he certainly is not going tell you about his children.

I developed the Ten Rules of Good Ex-etiquette to help find answers to the problems that arise when we are divorced or separated . But that doesn’t apply here. It’s just bad behavior all the way around.

However, there is one ex-etiquette rule that you can use. Good Ex-etiquette Rule No. 8 reminds us to be honest and straightforward in all our interactions. Even if your boyfriend isn’t being honest, that doesn’t mean you can’t be.

As much as you love this guy, there is no future with someone who is so deceptive. The right thing to do is to end it and start over. That’s good ex-etiquette.

Jann Blackstone is the founder of bonusfamilies.com.