Meet the new advice columnist: Asking Eric

Editor’s note: This is the first installment of the Asking Eric column by R. Eric Thomas.

Dear readers: I’m sometimes asked what advice I would give my younger self; say, myself at 14. I usually answer by joking that I’d definitely advise my younger self not to lie to my friends about seeing the movie “Se7en” in 1995.

But I did lie. Then one of my friend’s parents mentioned it to my parents. That’s when my parents, not wanting to be seen as the kind of people who would let their child see a gory R-rated film, ordered me to come clean. I had to confess to my buddies that I never saw the movie.

I’m now a writer in his 40s living on the East Coast and married to a Presbyterian pastor and therapist. I’ve written a dozen plays, many hours of television and four books, including a YA novel and two best-selling comedic memoirs, “Congratulations, the Best Is Over!” and “Here for It.”

In all my work, empathy is the foundational element. The stories of our lives are empathy engines. When I talk about what happened to me in my life, pathways open to the listener or reader that invite them to think about their own lives differently.

I see this column as a conversation. When you write in and share your story, you’re not asking for a decree from on high, you’re asking to be heard, understood, to feel that you’re not alone. And when you read the stories of others, you’re asking to be included in something mysterious, confounding, funny and very human.

I consider marriage and family units as an ever-developing and changing ecosystem. I think a lot about work culture and the large and petty squabbles that bubble up. I have strong feelings about people caring for their pets. I love a party where food is abundant. I’ll absolutely give you my honest take on the kitchen backsplash you picked out, and I believe that wallpaper is back in vogue. I wish everyone felt empowered to give voice to the big emotions and to listen with intention and love.

Dear Eric: My friend (25) moved to a new state and started a job in a male-dominated field. She has a crush on a new coworker who is 40, getting divorced and a parent.

A few months ago, they kissed and have since “hooked up.” They are very flirty with each other, but it’s all very secretive. She’s super stressed about anyone finding out about this. She knows she should set a boundary with him because it’s the healthiest thing to do, but she also wants to continue a physical relationship with him. What should I tell her to do?

Eric says: If your friend were the lead character in a Hallmark rom-com, I’d say, “Go for it! Life is full of sliding doors, et cetera.” But what those movies never linger on are all those messy consequences that pop up in work relationships, secret relationships and extramarital relationships.

Your friend is not in a rom-com. This is real life. And it’s possible that this will result in her getting called to a meeting in HR, especially if the romance is against company policy. Your friend is in the building stage of her career, and this fling poses a threat to her advancement.

Tell her to knock it off. If it’s meant to be, they can revisit it down the road. There’s no need to rush head-long into career and emotional bedlam for a workplace crush.