How do you know when you have enough money?

I was talking to a friend who asked, “How do you know when you have enough?” It’s no surprise this question frequently comes up in planning.

But it’s not the right question. If you are asking if you have enough: You don’t.

Having enough is not an amount. It is a perspective. We create money stories and lose ourselves in them. Others dictate these stories to us, but we translate them into our own language. Understanding those languages can help us move forward.

“My parents taught me to be afraid of money.” The language of fear around money often starts in childhood. Everyone at various times feels some level of stress about money, and children are notorious for picking up on this. While the money messages were not all good or all bad, our translation of them resulted in a degree of fluency in fear. The fear of money prevents us from putting money in its proper place. Money is only a tool to accommodate certain choices. Fears come from worrying about not obtaining what we want or receiving what we don’t want. Your fear language is a perspective. Change perspective, and you can decrease your fears. Hiking the El Camino de Santiago costs money; taking a walk is free. Enjoy what you have while you see whether something else can be realistic for you, and you won’t fear missing out on anything.

“I want what they have.” Huh? The language of envy is often subtle. The advertising industry was built by speaking in terms of what others have that you, too, could experience. When your neighbor buys a new car, it might be hard not to look at your own less favorably. Everyone speaks their own language regarding what is important to them and how they are using their money. Wealth is money you haven’t spent yet. Watching people spend their money tells you nothing about what they have, it only tells you what they spent. If there are acquisitions that are important to you, develop a plan. If they are important to someone else, ignore them.

“Once I get this, then I’ll be happy.” The language of the next great moment is challenging to master. We hear it everywhere. At work, it is our next promotion. At home, it is our next purchase. With kids, it is the next appreciative phone call from them. The way to address next is to focus on now. It is important to have plans to look forward to, but try to make them for what you can control. You have more influence on how hard you work than you do of the recognition you feel you deserve. You have made choices with the contents of your apartment or house, big or small, so try to appreciate them in the same way as when you first picked them.

“If I have this much money, I will feel secure.” Most of us speak the language of a number. We read about millionaires and billionaires. Early in my career, one of our clients told me her number, what she needed to have in order to feel comfortable retiring. When we hit that number, rather than live comfortably for the rest of her life, she increased the number. Enough wasn’t enough. The other problem with having a number is the number becomes your focus, rather than what the number can do for you. When you have more than the number, you feel good; if the number falls, you feel anxious. Isn’t that strange? You can either spend your money or give it away. You totally control how you do each. The number ultimately translates into what you can comfortably spend. If you feel comfortable spending 4% of your assets, then earning $5,000 in a part-time job is equivalent to living off of $125,000 of investments. Or spending $5,000 less means that you need $125,000 less in investments.

We move in and out of each of these languages throughout our lives. There are no noise-canceling headphones to help us ignore them, but identifying whose language you are speaking and then turning it into your own will help you want what you have: the only way to truly have enough.

Ross Levin is the founder of Accredited Investors Wealth Management in Edina. He can be reached at ross@accredited.com.