The one thing I do not lack is advice. It comes in parenting books addressed to the children and families reporter and sent to the Star Tribune day after day. It's a mind-numbing sea of instruction that has a way of making me feel inadequate. How can I be doing the right thing if I'm just "winging it" as a dad and there is so much published help out there? I don't get that feeling much, though, because I barely have time to glance through all of the books. But on the rare occasion of my twice-yearly desk cleaning here at the Star Tribune, I figured I'd give each book a speed read. I give you the eight most interesting, random and even conflicting bits of advice and/or parenting wisdom I could find ...
From Artificial Maturity: Helping Kids Meet the Challenge of Becoming Authentic Adults, author Tim Elmore suggests five ways for parents to help kids develop real self-esteem:
- Decide that you will build a bridge of relationship that can bear the weight of hard truth.
- Decide that it's more important for you to have their respect than for them to like you.
- Decide that it's more important for you to pass on essential values than to just have fun.
- Decide that it's more important for them to be ready for the future than to be comfortable.
- Decide to pass on the principles (values) you wish you'd known earlier in life.
From The Book of New Family Traditions: How to Create Great Rituals for Holidays and Every Day, author Meg Cox offers an amusing idea for maintaining peace among older siblings:
"Liz Hawkins, mother of four ... got the idea to tell her warring children that if they were going to insult one another, they could only do it using one of these Shakespearean taunts. 'They looked at me like I was nuts,' she says, but they soon rose to the occasion and discovered it was impossible to keep a straight face after calling their sibling, "Thou crusty batch of nature!'"
From No Regrets Parenting: Turning Long Days and Short Years into Cherished Moments with Your Kids, Dr. Harley Rotbart offers the simple advice of walking:
"The minutes we 'save' by driving our kids to soccer practice at the neighborhood park are actually priceless and irreplaceable moments with them that we lose in the name of convenience ... Walking with your kids is a great way to slow down the pace of your lives and have more unscripted moments with them ... Clearly, walking where you have to go is not always possible ... but whenever time and distance allow, walk. And while you're walking, talk -- about where you're going, what you're thinking, what they're thinking, what you see on the way, what's for dinner, who said what to whom in school today."
From How to Con Your Kid: Simply Scams for Mealtime, Bedtime, Bathtime -- Anytime!, authors David Borgenicht and James Grace offer strategies for preventing tantrums in toddlers:
- "Teach your child to use words to express her feelings. When a tantrum occurs, say 'I don't understand what you want when you're crying like this -- take a few deep breaths and tell me.
- Whenever possible, involve your children in decision-making -- if not about what to do, then at least how to do it. For example, she doesn't get to decide whether or not to take a bath; she gets to decide whether it's a bubble bath or not or what toys to take.
- Always give your child ample warning when changing activities. Since kids have no real concept of time, saying 'we're going in five minutes' may not be meaningful. Instead, try, 'we're leaving at the end of this song.'"
From Smart Mama, Smart Money: Raising Happy, Healthy Kids Without Breaking the Bank, Rosalyn Hoffman harkens to an obscure Hollywood figure for cheap mother-daughter fun: