The cost of caregiving: When financial and emotional stress compound

As the baby boomers advance in age, their adult children are often stepping in to help with caregiving duties — and that comes with costs.

According to a recent study from money managers Fidelity Investments, 62% of caregivers report being occasionally overwhelmed with financial stress.

Look at the numbers, and it is not hard to see why: Of those who stepped back from their careers to focus on caregiving — whether for one's kids or for one's elderly parents — the average time out of the workforce was 20 months, and 53% said the period turned out to be longer than expected.

Meanwhile, 37% said they earned less when they returned to work, taking a median 40% pay cut.

"People don't fully understand the toll this takes on other aspects of your life, like your career or your mental health," says Meredith Stoddard, Fidelity's vice president of life events planning. "They go in largely unprepared for the challenges and are not sure what they're getting into."

Of course, because it is family, it is still a choice that most people would make. Making sure your elderly parents are OK trumps any financial worries, as it did with Steele.

Caregivers should be clear-eyed about the sacrifice involved and have a road map going in. Some advice from the experts:

"Make sure you are maximizing any benefits they are eligible for," says Amy Goyer, AARP's family and caregiving expert and author of "Juggling Life, Work and Caregiving." That includes veteran's benefits, long-term care insurance and government services.

Another aspect is housing. A reverse mortgage, home equity line of credit or utility assistance might help ease the financial burden.

Surprisingly, in the Fidelity study, 64% of working caregivers said they didn't even ask their employer if special benefits or flexible options were available. AARP has a helpful workbook for all these financial issues for caregivers at aarp.org/caregivermoney.

If one sibling in particular is stepping out of the workforce to care for an elderly parent, the sacrifice involved is significant. Not just the lost income, but unrealized raises and promotions, health care coverage and more. That is why other siblings should be aware of the full extent of that sacrifice and help out financially as much as they are able.

"Often the responsibility falls on one of the adult siblings, and it can cause a lot of family conflict," says Stoddard.

To help understand the full costs of leaving the workforce, Fidelity even put together a calculator.

"The worst thing is to be in the middle of a crisis and to have to figure out how to pay for everything," says Goyer, who herself — even as a caregiving expert — was driven into bankruptcy by having to care for both parents and her sister.

That means things like setting up powers of attorney, for health care and finances. Says Goyer: "Take care of whatever you can before things are at a crisis point."