You're a customer, not a guest

Dear Miss Manners: When is it acceptable to ask for a different table when being seated at a restaurant?

My husband and I have a favorite restaurant, which does not take reservations. In the past month, we have been seated once by the restrooms and once by the kitchen.

The second time, I politely asked the hostess if we could have another table, and she complied. I thanked her profusely and made sure to leave a good tip for our waiter. The restaurant was busy, but there were open tables and no waiting time, so I didn't feel I was being unreasonable.

My husband was upset and told me I shouldn't have asked to be seated elsewhere. He sulked for a good part of the meal.

This has happened before, and while I will sometimes accept poor seating to avoid an argument, it often makes the meal less appetizing for me. The nearness to a restroom and its accompanying traffic and smells is unpleasant, and if there are open seats elsewhere, I will ask to be reseated.

Am I wrong to do so?

Gentle reader: The etiquette problem here is not the seating, but your husband's sulking.

He has made the common mistake of believing that a restaurant is something more than a commercial establishment that benefits from satisfying its customers. In your case, especially, as regular customers, the opportunity to please you by making a simple adjustment should be welcome — as it apparently was.

Your husband, however, mistakes restaurateurs for social hosts, whom it would be rude to criticize. Miss Manners is aware that restaurants have their share of rude customers, but you are not one of them.

Dear Miss Manners: I was shopping and noticed that my favorite bar soap was on sale at a shelf-clearing price. I loaded up my cart amid rhapsodic thoughts of not having to buy soap for quite some time and got in line at the cash register.

Two elderly ladies looked at my soap haul, and one of them exclaimed, "You couldn't possibly be that dirty!"

I noticed that their cart was brimming with rolls of toilet paper. I was tempted to respond that they couldn't possibly be that full of ... you know what. But instead I counted to 10 and smiled as sweetly as I could muster.

Do you admire my restraint, Miss Manners?

Gentle reader: Immensely.

Dear Miss Manners: I know it is customary to send a gift to a couple getting married when you are unable to attend the event. Does the same custom include parties like graduations or retirements?

Gentle reader: No, it is not customary, even for weddings. Miss Manners doesn't want to ruin anyone's fundraising projects, but only congratulations and best wishes are required.

"Miss Manners" is Judith Martin of the Washington Post. Send questions to her website, missmanners.com or to dearmissmanners@gmail.com.