Ask Amy: Mom has a fit over wedding attire

Dear Amy: My partner and I are eloping next month. I'm very excited, but my mother and sister keep complaining about my dress.

I'm an artist, and my partner is a writer. We love outlandish fashion and chose to support up-and-coming designers in selecting our wedding attire. For me, this means eschewing the traditional white dress for a more avant-garde ensemble.

My sister told me she was "worried that everyone else at the wedding would look better than the bride." My mother refused to even comment on the dress, and then changed the subject.

They're both trying to convince me to switch to the white dress of their dreams. I've asked them to keep negative comments to themselves, but they always fire back with: "We just want you to look your best on your big day because we love you!"

Any advice on how to handle this?

Amy says: I've always believed that one benefit of eloping would be that the couple might be spared the drama of a more "traditional" wedding. But your wedding sounds more inclusive than a typical elopement.

Your family members will not be supportive of your choice. So, stop discussing this with them. If they bring it up, take a page from your mother's book and change the subject.

Your wedding clothes should reflect you — and if they do, you ultimately will be happy. In fact, the more unique and individual your clothes are, the more rooted in the moment you will be. When you look at your photos, they will take you right back to the day when you said, "I do."

Dear Amy: One day, very unexpectedly, my husband went into the hospital. I was able to secure a babysitter for our older two children, and I reached out to a few of our neighbors for help with our infant.

One of my neighbors responded. Not only did they watch our baby, but they picked her up and dropped her off to make things easier for me.

While I paid our babysitter as normal, I knew that our neighbors likely wouldn't want any payment, yet I didn't feel it was right to do nothing. So, I made out a thank you card and dropped it off with a $100 gift card to a grocery store.

They texted us, saying that they didn't want the gift card because they "simply don't need it," and wanted to return it to us. I responded by saying it would make us happy if they used it (they have two teenagers).

In their next text, they said that it "was too much," and they'll donate it to a food bank. My husband responded to say how much he appreciated them.

I know that I can't tell them how to use this gift, and if it does end up getting donated, it will help others. But I found their response very hurtful. I might be too emotional, given how hard it was on me and how grateful I am.

Am I overreacting?

Amy says: Yes, I believe you are overreacting. Your abundant gratitude might have led you to overextend your thanks. But they also overreacted, most likely because giving them a cash equivalent embarrassed them.

Your sincere thanks was enough. Your neighbors were being neighborly and kind. It feels good to step up. The opportunity to repay their kindness with your own gesture will arise, and then you can step up.

A more-balanced gesture might have been to treat them to a pizza night by having some of their favorite pies delivered to their house (re: teenagers) — but again, no gift was necessary.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com.