Ask Amy: Bride alienates maid of honor

Dear Amy: Last year, I asked "Hannah" to be my maid of honor for my destination wedding.

She exuberantly accepted, and we both started planning. The wedding was only about five months away, so things needed to be figured out quickly.

I gave Hannah three options of times to go dress shopping. She was always "unable to make it." She is single, with a car, and has no real reason to be unavailable.

After a couple months of this, I let Hannah know that I was really sorry, but another friend would be stepping in as maid of honor. I said I still very much wanted her as a bridesmaid.

Long story short: She completely freaked. She told me I was a terrible person, how dare I do this to her when she "spent so much time and effort on this already," that I obviously didn't care about our friendship, and she didn't want anything more to do with me.

Our young daughters (both 9 years old) were best friends. Now she won't even let her daughter have play dates with us.

I have tried to repair this friendship. It still bothers me that maybe I was in the wrong. I also want to help restore our daughters' friendship.

Was I so wrong in picking a different maid of honor? Or should I have just sucked it up and dealt with Hannah's problematic schedule?

Amy says: You both blew it.

Must a maid of honor accompany the bride to shop for dresses? No.

You make it sound as if Hannah should have had no problem finding a time to go shopping with you. But she's a single mother of a 9-year-old. She doesn't strike me as someone who has oodles of free time.

Yes, she should have been upfront about the reason she couldn't go with you (rather than dodging), but instead of demoting her, you simply could have told her that because of your own time restraints, you were going to find another person to go dress shopping with you. So yes, you should have sucked it up.

Taking this feud to the next generation is unkind.

Dear Amy: We believe our daughter's partner has a drinking problem. When he's around alcohol, he occasionally overindulges.

The most recent occurrence happened when my wife and I were away from home for the evening, and they were at our home. When we left the house, I had a six pack of beer and a bottle of rum, both of which were gone when we returned.

We have a history of witnessing bad behavior from our daughter's various partners. We don't want to completely lose our relationship with our daughter and grandchildren, so I'm at a loss of how to bring this up without seeming to attack her judgment and further alienate her from us.

Do you think we should discuss this with him alone or with them as a couple?

Amy says: You don't actually know who consumed this alcohol. (Your daughter might have done her part.)

You might want to contact both your daughter and her partner and say, "After you were at our house the other night, we noticed a six-pack of beer and a bottle of rum were gone. Did you guys have a party and not invite us?"

Generally, you should assume that any family members staying in your home will help themselves to consumables. In the future, put anything you don't want consumed — whether it is alcohol or your favorite cookies — out of reach.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com.